A Million Reasons Why
Relationships are hard. Any sort of relationship really, though I admit blood ties complicate things and add a level of guilt that might not otherwise exist. There are a thousand reasons why you might disapprove of or disagree with someone but maybe we are missing the million reasons why we do want them in our lives, all the reasons why we are thankful they ARE in our lives or that give us reason to fight to keep them there, complications and all.
Marriage isn’t easy, life isn’t easy, parenting isn’t easy; whoever started the myth or hope that they were, needs to be read the riot act for sure! Love has been spun into this intoxicating fairytale and gives us such an unrealistic viewpoint and often unreachable goal to shoot for. It paints a picture that just doesn’t figure in the hardships of life and the foibles of us all. So instead of working with what we have we keep aching for this ideal. How damaging is that folks? Just take a look around and you can see the signs. Broken homes, broken hearts and broken lives. Sure we know there is new growth poking up, we know the phoenix will ever rise, but oh the damage, oh the pain that could be spared.
If someone has something bad to say about you, its probably because they don’t have anything good to say about themselves. If we all tried to give others reasons to feel good about themselves, there would be a lot more reasons to smile and visions of peace far brighter than the darkness of insults.
We even sometimes get careless with the hearts in our care, not because we are trying to hurt someone, but maybe because we weren’t paying attention. Careless words sometimes cut the deepest and once said they can only be forgiven, not forgotten. How many scars will we lay upon the souls of others before we learn to weigh our words more carefully? The things we leave unspoken can hurt too. Those secrets we hide that eat us from inside, those fears that we never pull into the light and so they remain scary shadows in the dark recesses of our hearts. They speak a lie to us that destroys the truth in our lives.
It’s all about your focus. Where you place your heart and passion is where your life will follow. Beware that you do not let the negative lead. It isn’t only others I am talking about, we can find a thousand faults inside ourselves or look for the million amazing things. Your inner dialogue is more powerful than you realize, the secrets that your heart whispers can steer you places you never dreamed or leave you stranded in your worst nightmare. Love has a lot to do with choosing to feel that way about someone. There will come some point in time where the shiny fades from the relationship and the person’s cracks and flaws will have you doubting. It is in that moments that you have the choice to continue loving them through the bullshit or bail.
Then there are moments when something has become so unhealthy that it drains the very life from you. A relationship so toxic and unbalance that you ache every time you have to interact. Their behavior never changes, their apologies ring false and their words are hollow. Then and there, blood or not, you have to decide whether or not to prune that from your sphere. Knowing the truth is that everyone at some point in time will disappoint you or let you down, it is the nature of the beast. I don’t say that to discourage you, but instead to point out that perhaps they are not out to hurt you, perhaps their behavior is a reflection of their own inner struggles and pain. Still at some point you have to cease letting them continue to drag you down when the stress and drama become more than the positive.
I know these things because I have had to make the tough choice to cut ties with family and have been judged for it without my side being heard. I have always been the black sheep. I always fought the bonds, the strict control; I’ve always been the seeker of truth behind the beliefs. I asked the questions that made people squirm and have been told to continue blindly believing and following.I wanted to understand. I wanted to light that fire of conviction in my heart and live it.
There came a point in my life when I could no longer do that where I was so I stepped off the path and have forged my way ever since. I am the friend who will tell you how it is to your face, for I cannot stand people who talk behind my back. Please feel free to tell me to my face you hate my guts or think I am a bitch and I will most likely shrug and walk away. But the backstabbing, two-faced BS really makes me hot. I will move heaven and earth to bring the fight to your door if it goes on in secret behind my back. I cannot tolerate a lie. I’ve lived lies too often in the past, I know it is easy to lie to yourself and I don’t want lies and half-truths to become my reality. You perpetuate a cycle in your life when you do that. Sometimes we have to throw off the millstones that others have become in order to truly set ourselves free. It doesn’t mean it won’t hurt, it doesn’t mean you won’t think of them or miss them; it simply means that you love you enough to stop the abuse.
Look for the million reasons why inside yourself. Seek them in your truth, seek them in your path and most of all, seek them in others. When we focus on the positive we will find ourselves surprised to see that our attitudes follow. And if life cannot knock that hope out of you, then you have already won my friends.
In closing I just wanted to leave this:
Until next we meet, stay safe and be blessed.