Banjo Music In Our Own Backyard……..the Background (Part 1)
So, this is such a long story it may turn out to be a two/three part-er. It started years ago, and I haven’t said much if anything about it. You all know that my husband’s father hates my guts. You may not know why. You know his oldest son feels the same way, you may not know why. You all know he is completely estranged from the majority of his family….but again the whys are important. It all leads to the path we are on now and the pressing stress and fallout. Hang on for the ride of your life, I couldn’t make shit up like this if I tried.
We flash back in time to when Dennis and I were still dating. Our first party thrown as a couple, Memorial Day I believe. We had all his friends over as well as his father, who lived right next door at the time. Yes I lived with him for a while till my apartment was ready but we lived separate until we got engaged. The old coot never came over to see us, we had to go there. He rarely had anyone but Cody over and was a butt when we used his hot tub out back. Didn’t celebrate holidays even when we lived that close. Well this particular day he did nothing to help, no big deal. Didn’t bring anything, no big deal. Refused to put his extra chairs over the fence, okay *sigh* send the boys over to get them. People start arriving, we send someone over to get him. He waits till the food is nearly ready so he doesn’t have to mingle. Walks in and starts ripping on the food. LOUDLY!! My husband was grilling burgers, chicken, hot dogs and brats. He starts on and on about how they are disgusting and look like penises on the grill. How can anyone eat those things they are obscene and disgusting and blah blah blah. I’m starting to get embarrassed and our guest are looking amused but uncomfortable. Dennis warns him he is upsetting me and he basically said he like aggravating me and continues. I finally caught him aside and hissed that he did nothing to help, sat on his butt, refused to put chairs over and that if he didn’t like what was there he could go home but he was going to stop being rude and disrespectful. That’s it folks. That moment of standing up to him pissed him off and since then all I have heard was what a bitch I am, how there is something wrong with my kids, he doesn’t want me anywhere near him, blah blah blah. He tried to talk Dennis out of marrying me and then faked it for the wedding but afterwards everything changed.
What I have done since the wedding, is stop all his using and manipulating. He would have Cody over but never the twins. Admits that he doesn’t like the twins and then amends it to he cannot handle them together, though he never wants to have Cameron. My kids aren’t allowed to call him papaw, they have to call him Alex. No acknowledgement of them at all. He would have Aley over, have him do all the honey-do’s of the house, pay him $20 bucks and complain about having to feed them. So I said okay, they aren’t his slave labor. He never comes to their football games, never comes for ANY holidays, never participates at all. Twenty wouldn’t buy him five minutes of a professional’s time so let him hire someone for that crap and if he wants to see the boys he can set something different. So now I “keep him from seeing his grandsons” as he has told anyone and everyone that will listen, and he never tries to see them or call them. I stopped him treating my husband like shit and then expecting him to jump when he wanted something. He has had Dennis under his truck after being in the hospital for hurting his back. He bought him a recliner as a gift and then made Dennis pay him back. Again, I put my foot down and told Dennis he deserved better than that. It went on till his dad sent gifts last Christmas for the twins but not for my kids. Not even directly, but through the neighbors we are having issues with (thanks to his gossip and manipulation – they talk on a weekly basis and listen to his lies). Dennis was pissed and sent them back saying if he wasn’t going to include them all then we didn’t want anything.
That is why his dad hates me. Now he is and has separated me and Dennis and the boys from the rest of the family with his lies.
Why does his son hate me? Well back in the same days I found out that my grandfather was very sick. I was sitting on the back porch smoking a cigarette and being upset. His son Cody came back and told me that he could get me some pot. I was shocked and like WTF? Who the hell offers something like that especially to his dad’s new girlfriend? Now I had to decide what to do. What would you do? I would want someone to let me know that about my child and I don’t lie to my significant other especially. What good is a relationship without trust and honesty? So I told his dad and we set up a safe way for him to be caught. Then we confronted him. He stopped being friends with that boy, ended up having a great high school career, and was the unsung hero at his senior football banquet. He even told me that his life had turned out better for it, but he would always hate me for it and never thank me for it and I told him I was content with that. He spent the next several years undermining the family dynamic by drilling into the twins that family is blood and only blood. He manipulated things by encouraging bad behavior and then coming to be “friends” with me to help me out.
He hated the twins for taking his time from his dad and he resented me and the kids even more because we weren’t related. He tried to break us up on the sly with his little games. Oh he gave a sweet little toast on the wedding day, but he didn’t mean a word of it. While we were on our honeymoon he picked up two girls and had sex with one at the house with my kids there. I got asked questions by my son afterwards. Then on his 18th birthday a few weeks later, he tried to have me arrested. We heard (through the small town grapevine) that he was going to have a keg snuck in. We told him there better not be any alcohol because the cops would be there. Well they did end up showing up, about 5 minutes after I busted him myself. While I took the dogs inside he told them it was mine. Then he tried to say I gave them permission. I was beyond pissed but stuck up for him. Told them he was on his way to college with a football ride and even though we were having issues with him we were trying to get him straightened out. They left and when his dad grounded him for throwing me under the bus, he packed his stuff and left. He spent the next year sponging off various people, and his grandpa fed a LOT of it. He bought him a car on the sly, even though it cost $25 for him to fix his here. He gave him money and other things without telling us anything. Various friends kicked him out once he didn’t do anything but eat and sleep and jack off. So then Dennis’ father did the unthinkable. He snuck him a bus ticket to go live with his mother in Arizona. (Who by the way we won custody of all three boys from. Well she sent Cody away but we got the twins) Who does that behind a parent’s back? Cody never held a job till he was 19 and even then he works stocking shelves part-time at pet smart and joined the reserves but refuses to do anything serious with it. He just turned down special forces training. When he left here, he walked away from college starting as second-string halfback, we blew $5,000.00 plus on getting him set up at this college not to mention more than one bailout and more than one vehicle, several sets of tires. He had the money ( a secret gift from his aunt at the wedding, plus money from the Obama work program, plus from us) three times over to pay the $1,500+ needed for school and he was pissed we wouldn’t pay it. Blamed us for ruining school. The last attempt was him trying to get some stuff from the house before he left state. I told him there was nothing here that was his and he told me he would call the cops and report me for theft. I asked him who’s house was it in and told him to go ahead.
Once all the shit hit the fan with Cody and my health declined so sharply, things got worse. If you remember I am 5’10” tall and weighed 125lbs at my wedding. Well according to my F-I-L’s gossip, we are doing drugs up here, not I almost died, not the ambulance drivers and I are on a first name basis they were here so often and not I had surgery to fix it -was in the hospital for a week and now I have been healthy since. He even accused my husband of stealing his pain pills even though his dad is in early stage Alzheimer’s and can’t remember taking his meds even with someone standing there telling him he just took them. We even gave the spare key back so there was no way to enter the house and he still insisted Dennis was stealing them. Now to mention Cody was the one stealing them and selling them in the high school football locker room. How do I know this? I woke to him several nights stealing my medications that I was taking for my stomach issues while I was sick. And several people have told me personally that he sold them in the locker room – other football kids who respect me and look up to me.
So we have just kinda been laying low, trying not to respond to their idiocy, trying not to stoop to their level. My gut told me that it would only get worse, but I hate confrontation and so I just hoped it would all eventually blow over.
Little did we know how bad it was going to get……………..to be continued.