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“So this is how liberty dies…with thunderous applause.”

November 6, 2015 - Author: Ordinary Girl

Today was rough, I’m not going to lie my friends…it makes a body feel hopeless and more than a little like giving up. I sat here thinking thru my life and pondered over all the tough shit I’ve lived through but could not think of a single thing (no matter how shocking) that hurt my heart and soul more than what we are struggling with right now. I’d DIE for these kids and to have my hands tied, to be turned away by everyone I’ve asked to help my daughter and to be told there is nothing to be done now….I die a little inside every time.

I have called/contacted anyone and everyone we could think of – from local to federal and back again. I’ve contacted as many bullying organizations that I can as well. The answer is always the same – that isn’t our jurisdiction but I can refer you to someone. After a few weeks of that, the list started to peter out and it was more like “sorry we can’t do anything” or “gee you should have started with law enforcement three years ago”. Now we are lucky if anyone bothers to call us back.

Today I got a letter from the District Attorney for our area. It said a whole lot of nothing so I decided to call the office to clarify. Here is that letter: 

 

Firstly the lady who answered the phone was pretty snotty. Secondly, she was very unhelpful. When I finally found out they were all in court I asked her if there was anyone else who I could speak with and gave a brief description. She said no. So I told her I had no problem calling the other local office and if they couldn’t help me I would go back up the chain to Washington. She wanted to keep telling me what they couldn’t do and interrupting me so I asked her if she would just please send me to voicemail and I would leave him a message and make my other calls. She finally did so and I called the other DA office as soon as I got off the phone. While the other woman was very nice, she told me that office was in court as well, but offered me the name of the guy there I should speak with and I left him a message as well.

Mister Drew Robinson, the Assistant DA, finally called me back around noon. As our conversation progressed I became more and more frustrated with his attitude. He told me that there was nothing the DA could do unless charges had been filed by the school or law enforcement – they don’t get involved until that point. He wanted to keep insinuating there was no ‘official’ problem and when I mentioned the two suicides this year, he denied any knowledge of the two young people in the same school district who had taken their lives this year due to the bullying issue in our schools. He also said there must not have been any solid evidence or proof if nothing had ever come of our complaints to the school.

I asked what the recourse was if the school had dropped the ball or refused to press charges and explained that the police/state troopers had told me on two separate occasions they couldn’t file charges or didn’t see where either side could. Nothing, was the answer he gave me. In order to clear any ambiguity I asked him “so if the school has destroyed or failed to maintain records of these incidents, there is absolutely nothing I can do?” and he said that was indeed the case. I asked him then if that meant there was no protection for these children, that the school could do whatever they wanted to and he definitely skated around directly answering me. Did repeat what he said about something having to be filed in court before any action on their part but when I told him that one family was already filing suit, he seriously dared to say that there must have been some sort of compelling evidence or proof in that case. I said “yes, a dead body, does my daughter have to die too for us to get help?” Completely silent on his end before launching back into his run-around speech. When he got back around to there not being a systematic issue here, I pinned him down with the fact that the superintendent – Dr. James Jones himself has said, on camera, in several of the news reports locally, there IS an issue but they’re “working on it”.

Even when I told him they were attempting to charge her with assault and that she was put on real deal probation without conviction, trial or charges he seemed unconcerned. He actually said there must have been a reason……we should have spoken with an attorney. I told him we DID have an attorney so he tried to lay blame on him saying he must have made a deal behind our back basically. When I informed him that was not the case, that we walked in and that is what they presented to us. I even told him the judge must have felt it wasn’t serious enough to warrant pursuit and decided to offer us the 6 month deferral of it so they can verify, no she ISN’T a troublemaker. When time is up and there isn’t any issues, they have to drop it and it will be expunged…..provided they don’t pull another one of their dirty tricks.

The DA (who by the way, never even indicated they were involved or bothered to call our attorney back before court) was the one who insisted on probation, in fact they flat refused to do anything without her having to report. They wanted to send her to teenage character classes (the judge refused) and kept trying to insist when that did not happen, as well as the fact that they wanted to make her go to their counselor even though she has been seeing an excellent one since the bullying issue began. In fact, I put her in counseling after that little pervert touched her the first time and told her he would do it whenever he wanted. The judge again refused them after I explained she has been seeing someone regularly for a while now and she would be much more comfortable with him. So they lost on that front too. Y’all would seriously freak if I told you what probation entails as far as the “rules”. I also have to prove she is progressing in school, even though TN no longer has jurisdiction over her schooling, as well as prove she is seeing a counselor and making positive progress there too. Basically I cannot let her go anywhere without me being there because I don’t trust them not to pull some BS because they didn’t get what they wanted. I REFUSE to back down or be afraid of these petty little tyrants.

I also did not get any sufficient response on the fact that the investigator, Calvin Lockholt, the DA sent out here did not speak to us, my daughter or even look at what evidence we DO have. He just stopped by the Sheriff’s office, listened to some nasty gossip and left. Then never bothered to call us back. He wanted to tell me he explained all this in his letter and I told him he didn’t, it said a whole lot of nothing. So after being told for the billionth time there would be no help I told him that yes, I guess I did need to leave a message with Mr. Lockholt and he told me he would do so. Now ask me if I believe him…..

I’m sorry I was ever reasonable with this school system. I hate that I didn’t call the cops the first time and every time after that. I didn’t want to be THAT parent….but turns out, you have to be that parent. They will lie right to your face and then do everything they can to protect their own asses, jobs and the gravy train they ride. If you think they care about your kids you are sorely mistaken. I’m begging you all, please don’t be the nice parent!! Get everything in writing, get copies of what they are “promising” to do, get copies of any video and do NOT let them tell you they can’t – that it is protected under FERPA because it is NOT. Make them send you a report saying how they handled it and specifically what they are doing to ensure it does not happen again. Don’t let them sweet talk you or make you feel like you are being completely OCD!! If you have a meeting where notes are taken, make sure you get a copy of what they write as well or they might “accidentally” lose proof you ever had any issues. Whenever an issue happens, take notes on what happened, what was said, who you talked to, the date, the time, what they plan to do and the names of who was involved. If your child is old enough, have them write down what happened in their own words. Then make sure you follow up until they give you an answer on the issue. Even if the school refuses to charge the bully – you can go to the courthouse yourself and file papers. They don’t tell you that fact either. Don’t let them brush you off or say there isn’t anything to charge anyone with.

I hate that they can shatter our lives with a lie and walk away. I hate that we are on the losing end and we are the victims here. I loathe small town politics and power families who think they can’t be touched. I’m not saying that ALL teachers and ALL public schools are bad – but the system is definitely broken and instead of serving families and children – most only serve themselves.

crying liberty

Hug your babies close tonight, say a little prayer or send some good mojo our way, and please listen to what your kids aren’t telling you about between the words as they tell you about their day. Everyone likes to brush off bullying as a harmless childhood occurrence we cannot stop but it KILLS and destroys the lives of innocent children and families. From my family to yours – many blessings – Namaste my warrior friends. Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed.

 

 

2 Comments - Categories: Banjo Music in Our Backyard, Bullying, Life In the Boonies, Losing My Mind, More chlorine in the gene pool please!!!, My Children

Wild & Wonderful Days

May 12, 2013 - Author: Ordinary Girl

randomness weekend

So my husband’s loser brother called us last night (hubby figures he was drunk). Keep in mind D is the only one that has lived near his father and taken care of him his whole life. His brother & sister moved to Hawaii and they live together with her husband. So Sean calls last night saying he is in town, gong to be next door with those crazy neighbors that have been causing us issues, (click here to see parts 1, 2 & 3) and he is wanting to ‘kick Dennis’ ass’ when he is here today. When my hubby hangs up on him, brother then proceeds to text some nasty little messages calling him out. We blew him off laughing, because we knew nothing would happen. Sean is all talk, no action.

We spent the morning doing our yard work despite it and happened to be fixing our roof leak when the brother and my hubby’s dad showed up at the neighbors. Sure enough, little sissy la la didn’t even look our way.

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On a brighter note, the chickens are 5 weeks old which means they will be going into the chicken tractor hopefully next week. Should have enough feathers and be warm enough with a lamp out there. Still will be two weeks till they can roam in the yard under the tractor though.

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Nothing worse than worrying about a leak over your toilet, so every time you sit down you are worried the ceiling will just randomly fall………makes me feel like chicken little

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I’m thinking I deserve a guilt free nap today.

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So excited to reach 100 fans this weekend. It was an awesome gift today. I am overjoyed to see so many new faces and meet so many amazing pages. I really love that I have gone back to my roots and passion. Thanks for the inspiration guys.

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My step-son bought me the sweetest gift for Mother’s Day and my kiddos made cards – I am blessed.

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Fact of the day: 4 years ago on Mother’s Day my husband and I were still in Vegas celebrating our honeymoon.
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That has been today’s edition of randomness weekends with The Queen of WTF? Brought to you today by the letter L and the number 0

Until we meet again my friends, stay safe and be blessed.

 

Comments are closed - Categories: Bad Neighbors, Banjo Music in Our Backyard, Randomness Weekends

Banjo Music In Our Own Backyard…….the Backlash (Part 3)

December 29, 2011 - Author: Ordinary Girl

Since the October 26th incident where we both confronted Bobby to his face, things have spiraled out of control. He had not been able to bully/scare my husband the day he came over and stuck a gun in his face on our front porch. I did not back down when he threatened me in his driveway. Then we had the ‘audacity’ to call the police and report it…….Do you not know he is the fucking KING of this valley and won’t tolerate any disrespect? Psssshhhhhh!

Not scary, but insulting nonetheless - who in their right mind does things like this?

Bobby has always been a bully. He bullied Dennis when they were kids. Now that the playing ground is level, and everyone is all grown up, he doesn’t like it, so they resort to dirty pool. They hung a new decoration on their fence the week before court. Get this people….a NOOSE. Yep, that is right. Because we have had the audacity (and heard about it afterwards on the gossip chain) to have friends up here who happen to be black. Worse yet, his wife is *gasp* white. OMG!! These people have serious issues guys. Instead of letting us know they saw the kids riding a bit too fast on the quad, they called Dennis’ father and told on them to him. They didn’t walk over here, they didn’t call, they tattled. He doesn’t live here, lives down the mountain and two towns over. Both they and Clarence keep exchanging calls when they should have been dealing with us in the first place. Then he nags Dennis over things and doesn’t even realize that they aren’t true. He just assumes they are. And Bobby and Dean don’t have any issues with their grandkids tearing up that same strip of road in front of the houses on their dirt bikes, quads and motorcycles. The back and forth went from bad to worse. They watched every move we made, and went out of their way to be jerks. Every weekend, they ride those loud things or shoot for hours on end. We rolled our eyes and ignored them, turned the proverbial cheek for years. Not once did it cross our minds to press any charges or involve the law. They were just assholes plain and simple. To be ignored.

They did not feel the same. They had to see something happen. How dare we not cow to them. On November 18th my husband was driving home with his son Aley. They came upon a car that was driving incredibly erratically and since this is tourist haven, they figured it was a drunk driver. Rather than continue to be stuck behind someone like that in the dark, (just at/after twilight) they passed (even though it is solid yellow all the way through the mountain) it was safer than worrying they would wreck and then cause them to wreck. Besides, it was a straight stretch, you could have seen the lights; someone would have to be driving in the dark, in the woods with no lights for there to be an accident. We haven’t had good stories on these roads either. They pulled away from the driver only to have them speed up on their tail, with their bright lights blaring. It kept on until he was held up on the next level of the road when you cross the bridge. It heads up the mountain and has several steep 25mph curves. Some slow erratic driver was in front of him now and he was pinned with the bright lights in his rear view. As they rounded the last few curves to the house he decided he didn’t want to lead this crazy fucker to our house so he stops and gets out. Turns out the car that had passed them pulling onto the mountain road was Dean. He asks her to turn off her brights and she tells him to get back in the car. He says he will when she turns off the lights. She does, he does, they go home. End of story. Well except the slow driver was the 13 year old girl being allowed by her mother to drive up the mountain in the dark.

Five days later a Sheriff shows up on our porch around seven-ish. Dennis was served with a warrant. Apparently when they reported it to the police initially the idea happened. When the sheriff showed up then, Dennis didn’t say anything other than he passed her and there was no yelling or cursing like she claimed. The cop even tried the good ol’ I know it was this truck and Dennis was like Okay……  The cop took the report but when he went back to Bobby and Dean, he informed them what they could do. They went down to the courthouse and on their word alone, pressed charges for reckless endangerment and dogs at large. Dennis would have been arrested on the spot had he not signed the papers, though they didn’t tell us that at the time, we read it in the fine print. We felt we had nothing to hide, and had done nothing wrong so he signed it but we were like seriously? Then the sledgehammer dropped. He had ten days to turn himself in for booking. Yes, my husband, the small business owner, father of five, ex military, ex Department of Corrections. No court. No jury. No nothing other than a pissed off false claim from a neighborhood bully. To serve and protect my ass!!

neighbors new fence decoration

So Christmas is coming up fast, and the court date is on December 14th.We get to look at things like this, all the while being super vigilant of EVERYTHING because we don’t want to give them anything. I documented all the history, took pictures of everything and got ready. Every noise makes us jump, every engine makes us check the windows and doors. It isn’t fun.

First thing we do is find an attorney in the neighboring county. Turns out he is familiar with this area and I quote “I wouldn’t take it [the county], if you gave me a crown and said your the fucking king of P- County”. Even knew the bitchy dark haired girl by name who features in the story later. I just gave the description as a rude dark haired girl and he spouted her name off.  We suspected that was who it was. Another ally for Bobby and Dean, people down here are very clannish and tend to believe gossip without checking for themselves. We met only a few brief times with him but I had already compiled a long list of what had been going on, the fact that Bobby had a criminal record, the history of animal cruelty, the gossip, and all of it. Of course the previous report was of no use to us having been done by a young man who was friends with the oldest of Dennis’ boys. He bungled it and didn’t fill out the whole story just the dogs part, not the weapon part. Then it dawned on me that they would have to have transcripts of the 911 call. They better do it quick though I said because crazy man’s son’s wife is the dispatcher. The lawyer noted that, and we never heard, but the judge apologized to our attorney to us for how rude and short he was.He told us at our second meeting before court.

We went in to the justice center the day after seeing our attorney, at his advice, to get a restraining order till court. That is where the rude fat bitch comes in. She tries to refuse us. Starts whispering “that’s him” and says “charges pending” and the other woman came back to ask for more information. They tell us we can come back in two days or they can fax it over to the judge, wait for his decision, and then he can fax it back. She advises us it might be faster to do it in court Wednesday. So we agree but the bitch butts in again and says why don’t you just wait a week and a half for court and do it then. I couldn’t hold back any more. I leaned in the window and said tightly, through clenched teeth “because my children are being threatened with guns that is why”. The other woman who was helping us looked a little shocked and shot a glare at the bitch leading me to believe that as usual in an office of women, they don’t like her very much. She was pissed and glared at me, while I glared her down in return. I stated loudly we would be in court Wednesday for the Order of Protection and we left. Well I left and Dennis followed me. See, that is why I’m a bitch, I stand up for us. *rolls eyes*

So the bitch gets back at us by secretly moving up our court date. When we show up for the R.O. we realize he thinks we are here over the alleged charges. We inform him we have an attorney and he gets real snotty saying “Well he is supposed to file a notice of representation, and if he can’t follow the rules of the court…”  To no avail we kept trying to explain what happened all the while that dark haired devil is smirking. When we leave, we go straight to the office and set up another appointment. At the second appointment we tell him about the son’s wife being the dispatcher, what the devil had done, as well as what the judge had said. Then it was on. We were not really informed of much, but he took total charge on our court date.

Dennis had to endure the booking process and yet they didn’t take it seriously. They noted no details about him other than the fingerprinting and the pictures. They even warned him this ‘National Enquirer” style paper would publish his picture and the alleged charges unless we PAID them not to. Now he was fuming even more. He kept his cool and I am so proud of him. It was humiliating for someone who has always tried to work hard, do right and take care of his family. His freedom was stripped with a simple word from someone else. So we waited.

Court finally came and the attorney was late because a heavy fog settled over the whole area. He came in and assured us things were fine. We went into court and he did as well. After doing the usual attorney meet and greet up there, he handles a few smaller cases he has and then moves onto us. We talk with him briefly after he speaks with the DA and then he calls Bobby and Dean aside. He basically tells them we are denying all the charges and were more than willing to take it to trial. He would pull it over to Bradley county if anything else happened, but otherwise we were willing to do the mutual Order of Protection and drop it. They were pissed. He came back and told us what was going on and then we saw the judge. The judge blustered here and there about slapping someone in jail – but we knew it was all idle threat now. They had nothing. He knew, our attorney knew, they knew and we knew. The case was continued for six months. If all stays quiet, it drops with nothing on record. If anything happens we go to court.

Our attorney volunteers to draw up the mutual P.O. and then loudly ask them if they feel they can be in the same room for a little bit. LMAO. I was enjoying some Karmic justice. Once we got into the room, we were all just about elbow to elbow in this tiny room. Our attorney was as gracious as could be but threw out plenty of loaded barbs. He made fun of her name saying someone didn’t do you any favors; her name is Hazel LaDene. She was pretty huffy about that. Then he asked if they wanted to include the kids, when they did he said what a shame to throw kids into squabbles especially around the holidays. Now it was Bobby’s turn to squirm. He made it known that if EITHER side broke this order, that they would be in trouble. Not just us, them as well. Everything got wrapped up and we couldn’t help but smirk a little that their plans had unraveled in their face. They never expected us to get an attorney, to have our information organized, to have pictures and actual intelligence to build a case. They never thought beyond trying to get us in trouble. We fought back. Now we wait. Now we just ………….wait. This waiting is killing me. Just wait till the cameras and security light go up, muahahahaha………..

(to be continued, the wrap up – thoughts and feelings)

 

Comments are closed - Categories: Bad Neighbors, Banjo Music in Our Backyard, Fight or Flight, Fingerprint Friday

Banjo Music In Our Own Backyard…….the Beginnings. (Part 2)

December 26, 2011 - Author: Ordinary Girl

I hear banjo music.......

We have made peaceful overtures to all three of our immediate neighbors.We have kept them updated on predators in the area (since we live in the national forest). Shut doors when the storms blew them open. We have brought homemade jelly over more than once. They even helped us when our dog got snake-bit a few years ago. We have complimented one another on the upgrades to our respective houses and such, as well as them letting us know what a good weedkiller was for our newly graveled driveway. Our boys used to mow the lawn of the lady behind us every week, not to mention clean all the trash when her dog ripped it up. We still do her bank for free because she won’t take care of it and we have a big problem with copperheads and water moccasins. It’s a safety issue. The crazy man’s grandson has been bitten before.

Each situation has gotten worse as the gossip spreads to all of a sudden painting us as if we are evil, terrible neighbors. Their family (of the crazy guy) finally conspired to keep our land deed from us, until the woman who used to live next to us (also related) sold her land illegally to the ‘good’ neighbors there now. They had no right to sell because there is no well on that property and we were not allowed to have the deed because they had some preexisting water right arrangement they didn’t want to have to deal with us over. This is the same woman who hides her money in her son’s bank account so she can collect SS benefits as well as food stamps even though she doesn’t need them. Well we could have legally cut them off our well and we haven’t. We pay their electricity every month and the one time the well broke, we peacefully split the cost.

The woman behind us has kids around the same age as ours. We have warned her about the feral hogs and coyotes due to her small dog being free 24-7 outside. We have seen her allowing Alex and Ean to play at their little bonfires, the kids have been on both sides of the branch that separates our property. Well we started noticing her kids age 12, 10 and 7 were left home alone everyday after school as well as on breaks. It went on for a long time and we spent a lot of time being extra vigilant and making sure nothing bad went down. We are 45 minutes from a hospital and 30 minutes from any police assistance. It was fine until this 12 year old girl starts to bully Alexandria on the bus, badly. Alex isn’t scared of anything and this girl had her backed into a figurative corner. It spilled over one day with this girl shouting taunts and threats while Alex was in her own yard. After being told by me several times to leave my daughter alone, this girl turned her verbal abuse on me using words I would spank my 11 year old son for. I called my husband and we decided since her mother was not home the best thing would be to have a peace officer intervene. The woman showed up after the police did and the young girl became so belligerent in front of the officers they told her to shut up. I danced all around the issue till the woman flat out said I just got home – which led to her leaving them unsupervised, and a DHS call. She has one previous report and a new one about her letting her now 13 year old drive up the dangerous, windy mountain roads – once in the day and once at night. She made the kids stop being friends and we haven’t spoken to them since. We run into them occasionally and they make fools out of themselves going “out of the way” to ‘avoid’ us. We shrug it off but it left her with a bone to pick. She decided to team up with the assholes across the road. They don’t care that her dog runs free 24-7 – it just HAS to be ours, ya know, the ones that aren’t ever out alone? They provided her with No Trespassing signs so there is a two sided ring around us of bright red signs. (CLICK on each picture to see up close)

 

 

 

 

 

this is taken from our front porch of "crazy guy's house"

one behind the tree and one behind the bush on either side of their branch

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Now back to all the gossip.The more the line was drawn with Clarence (Dennis’ father) the worse the gossip got. We have tried to resolve this several times with him, even spoken to him in person. He refuses to be reasonable. He sold his grandson’s jeep behind his back just because he is angry with us. People we don’t even know tell us about the crap he talks in public. We always brush them off with a laugh about him being a crabby old man. We made constant overtures of friendliness that were rebuffed. Then there was a mysterious recent call to DHS which coincided with details only Cody would know…stories when taken out of context look bad, but were proven completely baseless. However it led to four major intrusions and a complete disruption of our lives. Almost to the breaking point of our family. Three of four kids are now in counseling.

When Dennis was trying desperately to preserve a relationship with his dad he constantly faced open rude criticism of me and my kids. What was a pleasant daily ritual of morning coffee and chatting, was turned into increased the pressure and unhappiness for my husband so he stopped going over as much. I was blamed of course. Clarence talked about what a user I was, how I was just looking for a dad for my kids (who by the way still had a father at the time), after all the grief that there was “something wrong with my kid’s heads”, I was a bitch who wasn’t welcome at his house. I could keep going but what is the point? He didn’t like that I wouldn’t allow him to continue to use and abuse this family. I became the enemy and he spends every week telling crazy man’s wife, Dean, that and more. They feel as though they have to ‘pay us back’ on his behalf or some screwed up crap. Even though our old neighbors from down there let us know if something goes wrong with him, like when he has fallen and we rush down to help even if we aren’t wanted. Now we just call his daughter in Hawaii and she checks on him. He hasn’t wanted anything to do with anyone but Cody and the twins know that. It has always bothered them.

The major blowup point came on October 26th. My kids were in and out of the house that day playing. They let me know that there was a white pit bull running around free. The dog belongs to crazy man’s son who lives on some land in the back of their property. This particular incident happened when my 11 year old son took our lab out. She seeing the dog sitting on our front porch, immediately chases it. When she gets into the neighbor’s yard, with Ean in hot pursuit. Crazy man sees them, runs for the house, gets a gun and comes back out yelling threats about killing the dog at my son’s quickly retreating back. First rule of conflict resolution, speak with the person. I went over to talk with crazy man and he blew up in my face threatening to “hurt me if I didn’t get off his property”. He got nose to nose with me and I saw his wife’s face (100 yards or so away) – she had a look of fear in her eyes though she was yelling at me. He wanted to hit me, I could see it in his eyes. He is an abuser. I’ve seen them before, been there done that. I basically refused to back down, called him a pussy for  threatening minor children and helpless animals with weapons instead of trying to resolve the issue like a grown up. Then when I was good and ready, I walked off his property and reported his behavior to the cops. Who by the way majorly bungled the report. That moment began their retaliation against us and has nearly flattened us this holiday season.We figured the report would stop the threats and didn’t take it any further. We have kept close eyes on the kids and dogs as well as got rid of our pit bull on November1 because the poor thing was just not safe here anymore. No life for him to be constantly locked in the house for fear of being killed.

How could it get any worse? Well it does………..To be continued……….

 

Comments are closed - Categories: Bad Neighbors, Banjo Music in Our Backyard

Banjo Music In Our Own Backyard……..the Background (Part 1)

December 24, 2011 - Author: Ordinary Girl

So, this is such a long story it may turn out to be a two/three part-er. It started years ago, and I haven’t said much if anything about it. You all know that my husband’s father hates my guts. You may not know why. You know his oldest son feels the same way, you may not know why. You all know he is completely estranged from the majority of his family….but again the whys are important. It all leads to the path we are on now and the pressing stress and fallout. Hang on for the ride of your life, I couldn’t make shit up like this if I tried.

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We flash back in time to when Dennis and I were still dating. Our first party thrown as a couple, Memorial Day I believe. We had all his friends over as well as his father, who lived right next door at the time. Yes I lived with him for a while till my apartment was ready but we lived separate until we got engaged. The old coot never came over to see us, we had to go there. He rarely had anyone but Cody over and was a butt when we used his hot tub out back. Didn’t celebrate holidays even when we lived that close. Well this particular day he did nothing to help, no big deal. Didn’t bring anything, no big deal. Refused to put his extra chairs over the fence, okay *sigh* send the boys over to get them. People start arriving, we send someone over to get him. He waits till the food is nearly ready so he doesn’t have to mingle. Walks in and starts ripping on the food. LOUDLY!! My husband was grilling burgers, chicken, hot dogs and brats. He starts on and on about how they are disgusting and look like penises on the grill. How can anyone eat those things they are obscene and disgusting and blah blah blah. I’m starting to get embarrassed and our guest are looking amused but uncomfortable. Dennis warns him he is upsetting me and he basically said he like aggravating me and continues. I finally caught him aside and hissed that he did nothing to help, sat on his butt, refused to put chairs over and that if he didn’t like what was there he could go home but he was going to stop being rude and disrespectful. That’s it folks. That moment of standing up to him pissed him off and since then all I have heard was what a bitch I am, how there is something wrong with my kids, he doesn’t want me anywhere near him, blah blah blah. He tried to talk Dennis out of marrying me and then faked it for the wedding but afterwards everything changed.

What I have done since the wedding, is stop all his using and manipulating. He would have Cody over but never the twins. Admits that he doesn’t like the twins and then amends it to he cannot handle them together, though he never wants to have Cameron. My kids aren’t allowed to call him papaw, they have to call him Alex. No acknowledgement of them at all. He would have Aley over, have him do all the honey-do’s of the house, pay him $20 bucks and complain about having to feed them. So I said okay, they aren’t his slave labor. He never comes to their football games, never comes for ANY holidays, never participates at all. Twenty wouldn’t buy him five minutes of a professional’s time so let him hire someone for that crap and if he wants to see the boys he can set something different. So now I “keep him from seeing his grandsons” as he has told anyone and everyone that will listen, and he never tries to see them or call them. I stopped him treating my husband like shit and then expecting him to jump when he wanted something. He has had Dennis under his truck after being in the hospital for hurting his back. He bought him a recliner as a gift and then made Dennis pay him back. Again, I put my foot down and told Dennis he deserved better than that. It went on till his dad sent gifts last Christmas for the twins but not for my kids. Not even directly, but through the neighbors we are having issues with (thanks to his gossip and manipulation – they talk on a weekly basis and listen to his lies). Dennis was pissed and sent them back saying if he wasn’t going to include them all then we didn’t want anything.

That is why his dad hates me. Now he is and has separated me and Dennis and the boys from the rest of the family with his lies.

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Why does his son hate me? Well back in the same days I found out that my grandfather was very sick. I was sitting on the back porch smoking a cigarette and being upset. His son Cody came back and told me that he could get me some pot. I was shocked and like WTF? Who the hell offers something like that especially to his dad’s new girlfriend? Now I had to decide what to do. What would you do? I would want someone to let me know that about my child and I don’t lie to my significant other especially. What good is a relationship without trust and honesty? So I told his dad and we set up a safe way for him to be caught. Then we confronted him. He stopped being friends with that boy, ended up having a great high school career, and was the unsung hero at his senior football banquet. He even told me that his life had turned out better for it, but he would always hate me for it and never thank me for it and I told him I was content with that. He spent the next several years undermining the family dynamic by drilling into the twins that family is blood and only blood. He manipulated things by encouraging bad behavior and then coming to be “friends” with me to help me out.

He hated the twins for taking his time from his dad and he resented me and the kids even more because we weren’t related. He tried to break us up on the sly with his little games. Oh he gave a sweet little toast on the wedding day, but he didn’t mean a word of it. While we were on our honeymoon he picked up two girls and had sex with one at the house with my kids there. I got asked questions by my son afterwards. Then on his 18th birthday a few weeks later, he tried to have me arrested. We heard (through the small town grapevine) that he was going to have a keg snuck in. We told him there better not be any alcohol because the cops would be there. Well they did end up showing up, about 5 minutes after I busted him myself. While I took the dogs inside he told them it was mine. Then he tried to say I gave them permission. I was beyond pissed but stuck up for him. Told them he was on his way to college with a football ride and even though we were having issues with him we were trying to get him straightened out. They left and when his dad grounded him for throwing me under the bus, he packed his stuff and left. He spent the next year sponging off various people, and his grandpa fed a LOT of it. He bought him a car on the sly, even though it cost $25 for him to fix his here. He gave him money and other things without telling us anything. Various friends kicked him out once he didn’t do anything but eat and sleep and jack off. So then Dennis’ father did the unthinkable. He snuck him a bus ticket to go live with his mother in Arizona. (Who by the way we won custody of all three boys from. Well she sent Cody away but we got the twins) Who does that behind a parent’s back? Cody never held a job till he was 19 and even then he works stocking shelves part-time at pet smart and joined the reserves but refuses to do anything serious with it. He just turned down special forces training. When he left here, he walked away from college starting as second-string halfback, we blew $5,000.00 plus on getting him set up at this college not to mention more than one bailout and more than one vehicle, several sets of tires. He had the money ( a secret gift from his aunt at the wedding, plus money from the Obama work program, plus from us) three times over to pay the $1,500+ needed for school and he was pissed we wouldn’t pay it. Blamed us for ruining school. The last attempt was him trying to get some stuff from the house before he left state. I told him there was nothing here that was his and he told me he would call the cops and report me for theft. I asked him who’s house was it in and told him to go ahead.

Once all the shit hit the fan with Cody and my health declined so sharply, things got worse. If you remember I am 5’10” tall and weighed 125lbs at my wedding. Well according to my F-I-L’s gossip, we are doing drugs up here, not I almost died, not the ambulance drivers and I are on a first name basis they were here so often and not I had surgery to fix it -was in the hospital for a week and now I have been healthy since. He even accused my husband of stealing his pain pills even though his dad is in early stage Alzheimer’s and can’t remember taking his meds even with someone standing there telling him he just took them. We even gave the spare key back so there was no way to enter the house and he still insisted Dennis was stealing them. Now to mention Cody was the one stealing them and selling them in the high school football locker room. How do I know this?  I woke to him several nights stealing my medications that I was taking for my stomach issues while I was sick. And several people have told me personally that he sold them in the locker room – other football kids who respect me and look up to me.

So we have just kinda been laying low, trying not to respond to their idiocy, trying not to stoop to their level. My gut told me that it would only get worse, but I hate confrontation and so I just hoped it would all eventually blow over.

Little did we know how bad it was going to get……………..to be continued.

it only takes a small spark to start a wildfire.........

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