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It was Magic

November 19, 2013 - Author: Ordinary Girl

I really enjoyed my kids today. Like REALLY enjoyed them. I am being forced to slow waaaay down and figure out how to accomplish my day and still keep her doing what she needs to do. I see things that I never knew about her, like she can do math instantly and visually in her head in a way that I admit I cannot.

My son was totally bummed because this girl he likes joined in with the crew on the bus that was hassling him today. He left the house in a freakin’ cutoff t-shirt this morning and flew under radar because he just kept his coat on. (yeah noted and I will be checking next time) Anyways he complained about being stuck wearing his coat all day because it is against dress code.

I totally talked him thru it and mentioned that wasn’t he just hanging out with this kid a while ago and ganging up with him? Maybe, just like us, they were having an off day and found something funny. If it had been someone else son, is it possible you might have joined in the laughter? You are mad, and rightfully so but think about it. He totally understood and I watched his spirits life immediately. I told him it wasn’t because you hated that person was it? No. So perhaps today you were the bug and not the windshield? 😉 Tomorrow it would be someone else unless HE made the big deal about it.

I assured him that the girl he has a crush on may very well not have any clue because he hasn’t spoken up and if she knew, she might not have joined in. Again another lift to his spirits and he smiled. I told him to relax and hit the bus like it was all good and sling back whatever was tossed and talk to her, since he knows her name now LOL.

Tornado and I did her work and hung out no issues today. She totally self started, kept focused and I held my word and did the art project even though I admit I didn’t feel like it at first. Who wants to smear peanut butter all over pinecones when it is cold and quickly getting dark out? So we do it. I lose my temper a time or two and yell but all in all it is pretty smooth. Had to refill the PB twice due to my inability to guesstimate how much you need for 6 of those stupid things and Tornado is rolling them in the birdseed all the while complaining about getting messy. Then she insists that she wants to put the twine on. Bubba had put a slipknot in all of them for us and we simply tightened it around the middle of the pinecone and then tied the free end to branches in various places in the yard. I had a little issue with a funny miscalculation of what happens to a hanging pinecone when the branch you bent way down is let go. Jeeze, you would think I would have thought that one thru a little LOL 😉 Unfortunately my oh so coordinated self managed to get these tiny little dark brown burrs all over my fuzzy Elmo pants. HEY, don’t judge me!! They are warm and comfy 😛

Tomorrow I reckon she will make me make good on the yoga deal. LOL. Yes I confess, I bribed her with an art project. And the scene in the yard with her on my shoulders, feet on my hips, standing up with her brother bracing her (after first chickening out and popping me right in the mouth with my own camera she was holding for me). It must have been hysterical to see but I didn’t care I was having some good old fashioned FUN. I might have swatted her for not paying attention but it was barely noted by her anyways. You’d have to whack that child with a sledgehammer I swear to get a reaction (and no I would never).

We took pictures of the sunset and covered her 4-H pine tree sapling with a garbage bag so the frost doesn’t kill it tonight. I sure hope those stupid chickens stay inside, they have taken to wandering down the bottom at night and it is freakin cold. If they frostbite themselves it will be ugly, like amputation ugly and this momma don’t play that. NO. Sorry, I’m not a surgeon and I’m not a vet. I have to draw the line somewhere.

We came back in and fell in love with Ravenswood and watched like three in a row up to the new one only to find out that they won’t have anything till January. *sigh* Hubby strolled in and sat and watched with us as we shuffled the kiddos off to bed. Bubba has been sleeping a LOT so we think he is hitting a growth spurt. I’m getting ready to feed him and flying high on this magical day. They don’t happen often and baby when they do, you can bet your ass this gal is smart enough to grab it with both hands!!

Peace, love and magic. Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed my friends.

 

Comments are closed - Categories: family, kids, Life is Good, My Children, Parenting

Big Decisions ~ Tough Choices

September 29, 2013 - Author: Ordinary Girl

So I’ve been talking with y’all about a job opportunity that has come up outside of the home. I’ll be honest, I’ve been agonizing over the whole thing since it came up. My immediate response was to get excited….very excited. And that was the first thing that made me pause. Due to past circumstances, I don’t “hope” for a lot of things; not getting attached before it actually happens ~ hurts less. Those who understand that need no further explanation, and those that don’t well it’s hard to explain it in that case….

So I had to figure out why I got so excited. Done. Then I had to assess the pros and cons as some of you recommended. That is when it got complicated.

I WANT this job. I could do this job and excel at it!! I might even be able to add insight into it and make the program stronger. I would be administrating the whole thing eventually. Also, I would be able to easily finish my degree since schooling is the perk of the job. No other benefits, but even the hours are not that demanding to start. Money is good too, I won’t lie. There has been this hunger to do this for a long time. Circumstances have pulled me twice, for two different reasons and at two different times, from this exact thing. I have a burning need to prove everyone wrong and finish what I started. I was unfocused and adrift at that time in my life, struggling with burdens I no longer bear and I take back to the task some wisdom and strength I would not have had either. I believe that will make my school experience mean something more important and vital to myself. I want to prove to MYSELF that I can do this too. Doubt is a powerful prison but it can be a powerful fuel as well. So that one is about me. What I want and need.

Then I turned consideration to my children. They have paid the price with me the last 5 years. The hell of step-parenting, my being so ill, the stress of so many family members gone for one reason or another. I’d be trading the complete and now unimpeded focus of my attention for their last chunk of time as kids, lose my last chance to do what we tried to do from the start and possibly lost the chance to help my daughter tame this wildness inside herself as well as fail my son breaking my own silent promise to him. He only has 5 years left and she only has 8. Time has taught me those will be gone before I know it, even if I’m paying close attention. Don’t they finally deserve my healthy attention? My not sick, not stressed, can participate daily attention?

You bet your ass that I have fought for them. You bet I took care of them day and night since they first drew breath. But I was a single parent for the first chunk – no choice but to work though it tore me up to realize other people were in essence raising my kids. I’ve been sick as hell to the point of nearly dying the last 6 years – like literally in the hospital every other month or so till about 7 months ago and now that I have the chance I was praying and begging for, am I going to throw it away or tend to my family? God knows D and I have talked about it since the boys left and we are determined not to make the same mistakes with Bubba and Tornado. Yeah…..the scales didn’t just tip there, they slammed down hard to the other side.

After that I thought on it a while. Not the choice I want to make, but the right choice I think. I was swaying towards not thinking it was a good idea. That I was being selfish if I chose myself over parenting again. I tried to go to school again for a while when my son was a baby. Got a full scholarship. It required a minimum of 10 hours of work on the newspaper on top of a full time school load. My son was in daycare centers and homes. We had several bad run ins. Yes, some of the places were fantastic but some people should not EVER be near children. I kept a close watch and popped in at odd times. I caught it each time and it tore me up each time. How could I keep subjecting my child to this?

I quit school again, got a day job and sent him to one of the best centers in the area. He loved it, loves them and even three years ago when we went back for my nephew’s funeral he remembered them and was happy to see them. They were more family than anything and that is a rare find. I’ve also worked at daycare centers and know what can happen. Bubba is too old now, but idle hands we have discovered with the older 3 are the devils plaything. So critical timing on him. Tordado, like I said earlier, is our challenge and if I don’t help shape this, I admit that it could be, more likely than not, disastrous left unchecked into her teens.

We are planning some day trips and stuff with them, as well as gathering camping gear now that we have a permanent storage solution. Less time with other people entertaining them with what kinds of things happen in a small town with bored kids, more time learning what it means to enjoy yourself and build roots with your family.

Then something came up that would send a much needed jolt of instant life into our business and we could be up and running easily. This would require my flexibility at home. An ability to run the home office we have created now that we had an empty room. We would instantly have two people in mind for employees and I would need to handle scheduling for them as well as the increase from our other thing. It would be time to get serious and start kicking butt and taking names. This would include a slower version of finishing my degree. A few classes here and there at night. Not the immediate gratification a fast hard push would have but a battle worth fighting.

We would also be building something the kids are both interested in. My son has the programming interest and Tornado is all over advertising and stuff. It is so fun to watch them developing their different levels of interest so differently from the boys. Had the three of them not lost their minds, they would each be in charge of a division with 1 -2 employees by now. Too bad, because that looks impressive, not to mention they would be making near triple anything they are going to be able to find on their own. They could be making bank and living in nice houses and such but they chose to struggle out there instead which is still hard for us to understand. We are trying to teach Tornado and Bubba as well because it doesn’t make sense to them and they have said as much, more than once.

Building this business back after all the hits we have taken is a battle worth fighting. Ordinary Dad did not push me at all. When I told him about my decision to turn the job down, he listened quietly to all my reasons and supported me. When, and only when, I directly asked him did he express his hope about the job and my wanting to stay here. Though he was the one that put my name up in the first place and brought news of it home. He would have supported me working if that is what I had wanted. And he supports my school desire too for me and for the benefit to our work. He wants what makes me happy and is secure enough to admit he hoped I would choose this, not only for me but for what we promised and dreamed together. So at the end of it, I am sorry to miss this chance ~ I got to see what I would be missing and that the dream I do have was what makes me happy all along. I would miss that if I didn’t understand dreams can change like people do. This is still my dream, it’s just not my most important one anymore. So I feel blessed and I guess I know what needs to be done. What has always needed to be done.

I am not going to rush it either by doing an online version. I will walk the campus, help with the business but first and foremost it is my job, my desire, my humble honor to take care of my kids and my husband. It isn’t my way is right, your way is wrong – it isn’t anything but an honest assessment of what the need not the want is and what is truly important at THIS moment in our lives.

the choice only YOU can make

the choice only YOU can make

Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed my friends.

 

Comments are closed - Categories: Life is Good, My Children, Parenting, Working

It’s Been Awhile…

January 18, 2013 - Author: Ordinary Girl

Well my friends, it certainly has been quite some time since I have spoken with you. I couldn’t begin to catch you up with all that has happened since my last post in 2011 – suffice to say I am an almost completely different person. Yes, I still struggle with some of the same things and have added new and subtracted old but there have been some fundamental changes in the process. Honestly I thought long and hard about whether this would ever be a safe haven again and decided that I didn’t care. Those who want to seek me out will, even if I were to try to stay under the radar. I will not run, I will not be pushed any further. I will seek peace in the place I am in. So there :p

In a nutshell life has changed dramatically. My hubby no longer speaks with two of his boys – much to our dismay. His oldest who is 21 and one of the twins (the youngest). The youngest I had such huge problems out of admitted finally that he was working to break our marriage up on purpose. Of course we didn’t find that out until my husband and I separated last year. Yes for four months I lived nearly 1,000 miles away. I caught grief leaving and I caught grief going back to work out my marriage. I’m not really sorry for any of it. It was hard to go through, but I really like some of the things that have come from the struggle. I know I appreciate things a lot more.

My kids miss their Kansas family, but they are also glad to be back and looking forward to good things, both here and visiting back there as well.

I have been really ill as well. I see a specialist February 6th and am hoping for answers. My last stint in the ER led to me being admitted to the ICU unit. The average female body holds 6-8 pints of blood – I needed two. Before I barely knew what was happening they had set me up for a blood transfusion because not only were my blood levels low, my labs came back nonexistent. No potassium, iron, calcium or lipids etc. So first they had to run straight potassium into my veins – which hurt like the dickens and once I was able to finish that off they went to work. No one knows where it went, how it happened that I was so anemic or how my health has spiraled so quickly to this dangerous place. What I do know my friends is what I haven’t said flat out till now. If I don’t get some help I will die. I am only 34 and intend to live forever so……pray for me 🙂

There will be more later, but for now I simply wanted to touch base, say hello and reclaim my space. Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed.

Comments are closed - Categories: Life is Good, Love is a Battlefield