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A Light In The Darkness – No Ordinary Love

June 12, 2011 - Author: Ordinary Girl

She is still in the hospital – Aley has been on the phone via text with her constantly through the day. There was a bit of an issue yesterday afternoon. For some reason a doctor decided to run a test on her heart in order to “see if it could recover from an shock” so they gave her an adrenaline shot, K suffered a mini seizure and now has amnesia. I SWEAR I am not making this up – is it real life fairytale people…She remembers bits and pieces.

Aley has faithfully spent all yesterday talking her through it, reminding her of things, telling her stories. Bit by bit she is building a picture. Aley told me about the afternoon: her mom took a picture of her sleeping and sent it to him saying she was dreaming of him. When she woke up, they were chatting and she asked him if it was weird for him that she didn’t remember. He told her not really, that she remembered some and that mattered. He said I love you and when she said it back, he asked her if it was weird for her to say that not knowing why. She told him a little but that she knew it was true because she could feel it. She told him she had dreamed of him. And when he asked her about it she told of the memory of how it felt the last day she saw him and had to leave him.

I have talked with Aley and he realizes that he has ‘stumbled’ into something that most people spend their whole lives searching for. I told him in all seriousness to hold onto it, because it was something precious. I have never been prouder of him than I am now. His character is shining through loud and clear. After the initial shock has worn off, he has been responsible, strong, patient and very supportive to her through this whole thing. Most definitely I see that he has become a man.

I am honored that he is sharing with me. He has come once or twice to give us updates about how she is doing and what is going on. My husband and I were in the kitchen and he stopped briefly to ask if we happened to have money for a round trip…. he didn’t get much further before we had to say no we did not, much as we wished we did and could send him to be at her side. I see him in a bright light, standing at the side of the maiden fair, in shining armor. I wish so bad we could, I know that he could help. If she came home after four days in a coma to him, and he has been there to help her how he can and been doing so admirably – then being there to hold her hand or touch her face would light the darkness for her.

Lost in the shadows she can feel this powerful love that they share. She knows that he is the one for her and as much as it going on – that love keeps them connected through the miles. I cannot do justice to the way it feels in a parent’s heart to see and recognize that their child has found true love. Their soul mate. Aley is, and always has been the steady one. He is logical and methodical in his life. He is a strong tower that stands amid the storms for her. I haven’t given him enough credit for that. I’ve known it was there, but it has never shined so brightly before.

You have to stand back and watch them go. You prepare them their whole lives for this moment, and much as it hurts, you know it is time. I don’ worry as much as I used to. I see how wonderful they are, yes we all have our faults, but now I am seeing their strengths. I am encouraging them to use those and by example now, teaching them how to fly with them. Cameron has shared some private plans with me that make me bust with pride as well.

Where once I saw children in all three of these young people, I see it changing. I see a man and a woman, in love, one that will transcend time and space – one that we can help them take proper care of. Especially by leading through our newly transformed relationship. I see a young man, who used to be a little Emo, turned into a confidant businessman who is off soon to compete in National Competitions all across the country this summer for FBLA as well as TSA doing web design. He has already taken first in State Competitions. He is seriously, and always has, considering where his goals are set and what he can do to get there.

I am humbled by how clearly things have come into view. I understand a lot of what was going on, what was going wrong and how we can still make it there. Nothing is ever hopeless with faith and love. Don’t ever give up, though the night is long and your heart is weary that last step could be the one that takes you into the light of the sun.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends.

True love and Brotherhood

2 Comments - Categories: No Ordinary Love, Sunday Reflections

“The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives.”

May 29, 2011 - Author: Ordinary Girl

Our desires always disappoint us; for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction, yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.
~Elbert Hubbard

I have never been the type to sit dreaming of some fairytale ending. I am a dreamer, but also a cynic; which in and of itself is an oddity.  The title is from one of my quotes, Albert Schweitzer says it best. It has a nice macabre sound doesn’t it? Hooray we can all be martyrs now right? Life is one great big Greek Tragedy or a cosmic joke if you prefer. I know it sounds like I have no faith at all but I really do believe in God. I just think his sense of timing and humor leaves something to be desired at times. Honestly, I’m kinda pissed at him right now, I told him I couldn’t handle anything else and lo and behold a 2 ton load was laid in my lap. I’m cracking and the whole God never gives you anymore than you can handle isn’t holding water at the moment. I think at this point I have earned the right to a little resentment. I also believe that he understands when we get that way and doesn’t judge us or hold it against us, that is the whole grace thing. At some point I always come to the end, understanding where and why and maybe even appreciating the complexities of how our prayers, hope or dreams are answered; but the getting there SUCKS!!

We women are put into ‘competition’ almost from birth. We are barraged with visual, written and spoken evidence of our flaws and inadequacies. It is difficult to form genuine friendships with other women because secretly someone is usually comparing or competing and you don’t know who you can trust when your back is turned. There was a time when it wasn’t that way, but I know among my group of friends there are a lot of us that say the same thing; I don’t have a lot of female friends because I don’t like the catty BS. So we don’t play games and are able to relate in an open and supportive way to one another. Birds of a feather and all that jazz….

People hold themselves back from one another in defense and protection. It’s a cruel and harsh world out there. It almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of doubt and failing. The hardest thing is sticking to what you believe is true and honest while still being able to assess whether or not it is something that requires a shift in those same beliefs. How do you filter the voices? Every time you let someone sway you from what your core beliefs are, a little piece of who you are dies. How do you stop placing your faith in others and take the reins back yourself?

The insecurities rear their heads in our friendships, relationships, jobs, homes and even in our parenting. We doubt ourselves, we question ourselves, we accept blame for things we have no control of. When my own strength fails me, I know I can count on someone always being there. I feel an odd emptiness right now though. One that dries up my words as well as my desire to do anything about what is going on. Yep, good ol depression is setting in. Yet deep within my soul that voice still whispers words of strength and wisdom to me, though I might sit in my anger trying not to hear.

He makes my feet like the feet of deer, And sets me on my high places.

The voice says to me: Listen well my child

He sent from above, He took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
He delivered me from my strong enemy,
From those who hated me,
For they were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
But the Lord was my support.
He also brought me out into a broad place;

 

 

 

Sometimes, I even resent that little voice. Because if I could pretend for just ONE moment that I was a person lacking any depth, it wouldn’t hurt so badly. It brings me back to the here and now and I just want the voice to go away and leave me in my misery. Is it really too much to ask that I not be a warrior for one day? Why don’t I get to enjoy being a newlywed?

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

I may not see it or even feel it right now, but I will come through this. I just don’t know how right now, LOL.

 

No Comments - Categories: Sunday Reflections

"Mom, look what we found" ~ Sunday Reflections

May 22, 2011 - Author: Ordinary Girl

It has been an incredibly busy weekend. The twins turned 17 and we were wrapped up pretty much all weekend with their party and friends :p 10 teenagers (give or take) running around; it was a blast!!! Course I injured myself horsing around too, lol. My kids, aka the littles, were so good too. They spent some time around the big kids, but otherwise they entertained themselves in the moments where I could not.

They were outside yesterday and found a box turtle. It was very cool! My daughter, looking so worried, gazed up at me with those big baby blues, and asked me what turtles ate. I quickly dug through the bowels of my mind to come up with something to feed the little visitor. Finally I just told the kids that they would have to observe their new friend because we didn’t have lettuce or anything else at the moment – I think the teenagers ate everything in sight.

I peered out the window and watched my kids make a ring with their legs. They sat facing each other, with the bottoms of their feet pressed against each other’s and the turtle walked around in the grass. Then they couldn’t decide where he should be and kept picking the poor little thing up. I went outside with a gentle reminder that he was probably not very happy to be yanked all around. Finally we decided to watch him as he moved around in the shady part of the yard I told my son that if he observed carefully that he would be able to see what the turtle did, and maybe if he ate bugs or something else.

Thank goodness someone up there was listening, because when the turtle got near a set of wooden rockers that are outside near the front porch, my son tipped the chair up; which exposed a bunch of worms. Quicker that I have ever seen a turtle move, he latched onto the nearest squirming body. The littles were so pumped when he promptly gobbled up the rest of the worms. Then it was on. That turtle was so spoiled yesterday.

They made him a little home, with a ‘pond’ of water. Then they provided him with a buffet of worms to eat until his little heart’s content. After he was done eating and being played with by the littles, they set him free near the creek. Don’t think I missed it though. It was so neat to be so busy, in so many different ways this weekend. From the bonfire and the teenage antics to the childlike wonder over something so simple.

Thank goodness it is over though, I am pooped and sporting a bone bruise on my left shin. So I guess in summary, my reflections take me to the very heart of what it is to be a mother. If we don’t pay close attention, even when we are busy, we will miss them. Those moments in time that you manage to capture with your children. Brief and fleeting – but oh so rewarding!!

3 Comments - Categories: Sunday Reflections