My heart is breaking right now and I fight to see through the blur of tears. My Aunt passed away today. Cancer, that awful faceless enemy, has claimed another life. I know that she is with our Lord, I know that she was with family and is now, I know also that the angels were around her bed as well. But still I grieve.
My heart grieves a beautiful, womanly soul. A quiet, gentle, loving woman who has always been a rock. Her children are all good people and I can’t remember her ever raising her voice (not even when we couldn’t quit giggling upstairs that summer). The light dims as a candle is snuffed, though heavens light shines brighter for it. Her children, my cousins, my blood – they have lost both parents and my soul aches and prays for them. We are all so young for so much grief. I watch the love as my family gathers close once more to support one another and I have never felt so lonely in my life.
Grandpa’s passing was hard on us all, especially Grandma, and now to lay to rest her daughter after losing her soul mate? How much can one person/each of us bear? Does enough grace come for each day? Why do I feel like I have to hoarde it then as if there isn’t enough to go around? Why do I feel weak and emptied? How come it hurts so much damn it all?
ARE YOU THERE?!?! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?!?!?
I’M MAD AND SAD AND CONFUSED. But most of all I’m hurt and want to curl up like a child in someone’s arms.
I will miss you always Aunt Pat. You have been a blessing to everyone your life has touched. We may have ‘lost you’ from your earthly home, but we will meet again upon those golden shores. Give Grandpa a hug and tell him we love him.