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I’m freakin’ Superman in my spare time….

I absolutely love being a stay at home mom and my husband works very hard to make that happen. It was a decision we made together. It ended up working out too while I was so sick. We don’t have a whole lot of extras but we have a pretty decent life. I’ve had much less for the vast majority of my life and so I count the blessings rather than complain about what isn’t perfect here. I have been seeing a new specialist that has made the most progress with my diagnosis and my medications. I have been 5 months without an episode. However my husband and I were talking about it the other night and we also believe that it had something to do with the amount of stress and anxiety that his boys had put us through. The timing just kind of works out that way and so it makes us wonder. The last time I went this long it was when I went to KS and we were separated and it was 4 months.

Since stress is the major activator of my issue it makes sense. Now they are all gone and not helping or even speaking to us. OrdinaryDad, the kids and I have all been pulling double time to keep up with everything. Funny thing is, even though it is stressful, it is getting done and better than when they were around and the extra stress is not causing me any issues. If anything I am working harder and healthier than I have been able to in a long time.

It’s OrdinaryDad who is suffering more than I and I think that is because all my energy is channeled into helping support him and making sure he is okay. Doesn’t matter what they say or do towards me, I haven’t cared what others have thought for a very long time. I’ve dealt with crazy family and drama my whole life and nothing they have done, could do or think of doing would knock me down because I HAVE survived the worst of the worst. It has made me strong and it has made me a fighter. And when I am in fight mode, I don’t have time to worry about my hurt little feelings or even if I do have any. Which is why I’m titled a bitch.Strong women who speak their mind and stand their ground loudly aren’t really appreciate around here. Especially in the South. They are more into the subtle Southern F-you. The one where they tell you to go to hell and you look forward to the trip before figuring out you have been insulted – and usually not till much later.

So between juggling the house and all the things that go with that, the kids and dinner and all the animals etc I am also holding together the strong person who usually helps hold me. Revamping plans for the family business, taking up the slack, stepping up and running some of the other things going on that we keep private from my blog, running this blog and my fan page, which thanks to all you wonderful people is starting to take off. I am also working on a short piece as well as perhaps a book, with the encouragement of a fellow author, blogger and friend.

Yes I have my moments of frustration, upset or resentment but in the end I love my life and chose it for a reason and I will be dammed if anything is going to take that away or otherwise mess with it.

They read this blog avidly. They can’t help themselves. They look for any little crack, any little detail they could possibly use. They blow things out of proportion or flat out lie (yes we have had to defend ourselves in court from the neighbors more than once) and so instead of taking a defensive position we are all offense baby. Starting to take care of our lives as if these people no longer exist. There was a hollow look in his eyes when he told me that his boys no longer existed to him, they have crossed the line and done too much; there is no going back now. And despite all the hurt they caused me it distressed me to hear that. I know all you parents out there are all like “No matter what my kid ever did to me I would never stop loving them or disown them” – well guess what. I was in your shoes too. Still kind of feel that way about it because I trust my kids won’t repeat this disaster. But I do know the possibility exists. And I totally understand why he feels that way. Until you have had your own flesh and blood betray you, lie about you, use you, manipulate you, try to destroy your marriage and then say “you made your bed I hope you die in it” (yes that is a direct quote from Mr. BBP to his dad via text last night) ~ then please don’t come in here throwing darts because he said that.

He means it now and I stand by him, but if he changed his mind in the future because they grew up or realized the truth I would still support his reconnecting with them. But he feels they burned a bridge and it is done at the moment. Do you blame him? His son also flung this blog in his face saying “You still haven’t read her blog and you take her side against us”. Let me speak very slowly and clearly for you ASSHOLEdon't be an asshole.

1) THIS BLOG HANGS OFF YOUR FATHER’S PERSONALLY OWNED WEBSITE – SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE DOESN’T HAVE OPEN ACCESS TO IT.

2) QUITE OFTEN I READ HIM PASSAGES FOR HIS APPROVAL. YES I HAVE CHANGED THINGS AT HIS REQUEST.

3) I HAVE WRITTEN MOST ALL OF WHAT IS HERE WITH HIS PERMISSION AND ENCOURAGEMENT.

4) EVERYTHING HERE IS THE TRUTH AND YOU JUST DON’T LIKE IT BEING OUT THERE FOR GOD AND EVERYONE TO SEE YOUR BULLSHIT

5) I AM ASHAMED OF NOTHING IN THIS BLOG AND YOU CAN SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT.

6) TEST ME – PLEASE TEST ME……

Listen closely.

I.perfect I dont' care
don’t.
give.
a.
flying.
fuck.
what.
you.
think.
of.
me.

You are so wrong here it isn’t even funny. Your dad is wondering if you have lost your ever loving mind. You not only threatened his client relationship and challenged they would pick you over him, saying he couldn’t do a damn thing about it (as if he was even going to or is even like that dummy) but on top of that, you wished him to die. A direct threat against him. I wouldn’t push your luck any further. Karma is a bitch and I promise if you follow the neighbors path and papaw’s path – it won’t play out like you think it will.entitlement

And just an FYI – YOU are the only one who flunked out of school Mr. BBP. I was nearly killed in an auto accident my first round and my second round I chose raising my kid over finishing school at that time. I’ve never flunked out like you did. And in a matter of a year or so, I can have my masters degree – you don’t have shit. Have a nice life.

Keep reading me, keep hating me ~ it affects my life not at all. We will press on, be successful, shake the dust of all this bullshit off our shoes and raise our family together. You chose not to be a part of that. YOU chose to write yourself out of your father’s story. And YOU chose the enemy over him not the other way around. My friends and fans stand by me and so does OrdinaryDad as well as my kids both adopted and blood. So keep it up, nothing you do matter to us. I have my happiness and place to be at home, you threw yours away.

   pocket full of fucks

See my friends, I try to speak about other topics and they just refuse to give me breathing space. Thanks for being there for the journey both good and bad. Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed.

 

Dude, Bail? I think bail………..bail. Yep, bail.

Dear Spoiled-Ass Teenage Jerk-off:

You thought “you could come and go as you please” because you interpreted us saying we would treat you like an adult when you turned 18 to mean free license to act a fool. Let me translate a few things for you.

Having freedom to choose when and where you go is totally different than having 100% freedom to come and go as you please. You cannot come home at 3-4 am or whenever, simply because, no matter how you now choose to live your life, we have business to handle. We are still going to work, paying bills and taking care of younger kids. We cannot be woken at any time of the middle of the night you decide to stroll in because we have to actually sleep and be responsible. Remember the dogs will bark their asses off and so there is no coming in silently, not to mention we hear the vehicles. It is part of respecting whatever household you are in. Trust me, if you worked a third shift job and people were louder than hell when you were trying to sleep you would be the FIRST to lose your mind and temper. It also doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t at least ball park the who, what, when and where so that if something happens, we know how to get a hold of you and when-ish to expect you in case, God forbid, you were in an accident. It has happened before and it almost killed you and Alex so why the hell would you turning one year older change us worrying about your safety? You say you will be home or we expect you and then you don’t show – we worry. Oh my God we are TERRIBLE parents. Get a fucking grip.you.big.baby! And to top it off, you expect us to tell you every single detail of our lives and reasoning but feel like you shouldn’t have to tell us anything.

Paying for your own car insurance and gas is not special, it is NORMAL. You are not helping out the family by doing this. You are preventing YOUR issue from becoming ours by handling it, and let me remind you we carried your ass for a LONG time when you couldn’t get it together AND paid for your gas; now you are merely handling what you should have been doing since 16. You are 3 years late and much too ungrateful.

You treat the house like it is the college buffet. There is nothing wrong with you wiping out 6 pieces of fish or 8 eggs in the morning (in one sitting) for example and then you ask us how dare we hint you should have been helping out with a bill or the food since you were working. If you HAD been doing these things, you might have a legitimate argument, but you weren’t even close, you want to blow all your money on BS with your friends. And accuse your dad of mistreating you to ask you this at the age of 19. Like it was the same as his parents making him pay for his own room as the oldest since he was 15.

You can say you were gonna all you want and the fact is that in life, actions will always speak louder than words. Not ONCE have we been able to go out to dinner or on a date. Not even once in a blue moon because your fun is top priority. Not once did you offer to help your dad by doing things you know needed to be done. Nope, you would add to his list by breaking shit then never even attempting to fix them, let alone pay for them. You did not want to handle your ONE chore in this house – and couldn’t even change a bathroom trash can, you were not around to take care of your dog – she was never walked, had to beg you to go out, even peed on your bed because you barely bothered. You refused to help out any extra and bitched about the little you did, didn’t bother with your father’s birthday or Father’s Day ever unless I reminded you, let alone care about holidays or birthdays for anyone but yourself. This is not being a loving, good son; no matter how smart ass you say it to your dad.

You were not the babysitter, you have been asked ONCE recently and that was to make a trip out to Nashville to see the specialist, and all you had to do was get them off the bus and feed them and put them to bed. OMG so fucking hard. You are so put upon. You aren’t a man, you aren’t even close. A real man cares about his family, a real man pulls his share and more if someone can’t, a real man thinks about someone other than himself, a real man admits his mistakes and seeks to better himself. You are a wanna-be, nothing more. You know it and most people know it. You would be surprised how many people have stopped me since hearing what you did to say how stupid you are and what an asshole you act like when you aren’t here. I sure hope someone knocks that chip off your shoulder soon or you are in a world of trouble. That anger you hoard is gonna spill over and it is going to be ugly.

You have literally been out nearly every night with your buddies this semester. You had all the freedom you could desire and the support both financial and emotional you could have desired. Good luck on your own out there. The world is gonna take a bite out of you. You are too stubborn and arrogant to last long without it happening.

Oh and your sick, fucked in the head accusations about Sable and us “doing something” to her just show me how disturbed you really are. Chaos is just fine and actually doing better now than he was before he got left.  Dad doesn’t want to see you or talk to you right now because he is so hurt and for that reason alone I can’t vouch for the reception you will get from me.

Sincerely,

Me.

P.S. Fuck you. Karma will be there soon.

I said it

Sorry friends, this too shall pass. Stay safe and be blessed. I pray that your families are at peace and that ours will find peace soon.

 

I am sooo Entitled…..

I am seriously SMFH. What is it with today’s youth that they feel entitled to certain things before they have earned them?

words for teenagers

The constant refrain I hear, even around here, is “the world doesn’t owe you anything”. I have spent my whole life, as the product of a single parent home, understanding that nothing worth having comes easy or cheap. There is a price to be paid for everything. Sometimes we trade one thing for another. Does it matter? When it comes down to brass tacks, you have to bust your ass to get anywhere in life. Sure fate plays a role, but I sincerely believe our destiny is what we make of it.

I see all these teenagers and young 20s sitting around whining about life. And I will tell you where and how it started. It started with all this feel good BS we shovel, it started with EVERYONE gets a trophy, everyone makes the team, no one’s feelings can get hurt and we have to “protect their fragile little egos”. Fragile my ass, kids are tough as nails, kids are dictators; kids are barbarians that need to be shown how to act civilized; they have to be taught to find their conscience. Come on, let’s be honest.

I have very, VERY, strong -willed children. (yes that does include my asshole step-sons 😉 – lol) I am way too far into this parenting gig to lie to myself or to you my friends. Oh sure, I can put a tu-tu on it, but why bother? We are all adults here. They will complain no matter how good they have it, honestly – the better they have it, the more they seem to complain these days. It’s like the cushion we have been providing because “we were gonna raise our kids different from the strict nonsense. WE are gonna understand them like we weren’t….” or whatever reasons drive you because each of us is different despite our similarities.

Still they are sliding through school, sliding through home life with no responsibilities, given every reason in the world not to succeed and we act surprised when they get out of line. How else can I explain the basic need for us to let them fail when it is little, when we can kind of, direct the blow? Failure is a must have in order to survive. If we scuttled after a child constantly and never let them get hurt they would never know and be sent out into the world expecting the same. If we love our children and truly want what is best for them I believe we need to teach them that life isn’t fair, that roads get bumpy, that you may not end up where you thought you would be, but that the journey was worth it and the place is exactly where you need to be.

No boss will call your house to make sure you are out of bed on time. No doctor will sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health because you won’t take care of yourself. There is no magic kiss that will make your heartaches better when you grow up. It is hard. Life is hard. We have to teach them it is worth it.

worth it

What are your thoughts my friends? Until next we meet, stay safe and be blessed.

 

Wild & Wonderful Days

randomness weekend

So my husband’s loser brother called us last night (hubby figures he was drunk). Keep in mind D is the only one that has lived near his father and taken care of him his whole life. His brother & sister moved to Hawaii and they live together with her husband. So Sean calls last night saying he is in town, gong to be next door with those crazy neighbors that have been causing us issues, (click here to see parts 1, 2 & 3) and he is wanting to ‘kick Dennis’ ass’ when he is here today. When my hubby hangs up on him, brother then proceeds to text some nasty little messages calling him out. We blew him off laughing, because we knew nothing would happen. Sean is all talk, no action.

We spent the morning doing our yard work despite it and happened to be fixing our roof leak when the brother and my hubby’s dad showed up at the neighbors. Sure enough, little sissy la la didn’t even look our way.

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On a brighter note, the chickens are 5 weeks old which means they will be going into the chicken tractor hopefully next week. Should have enough feathers and be warm enough with a lamp out there. Still will be two weeks till they can roam in the yard under the tractor though.

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Nothing worse than worrying about a leak over your toilet, so every time you sit down you are worried the ceiling will just randomly fall………makes me feel like chicken little

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I’m thinking I deserve a guilt free nap today.

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So excited to reach 100 fans this weekend. It was an awesome gift today. I am overjoyed to see so many new faces and meet so many amazing pages. I really love that I have gone back to my roots and passion. Thanks for the inspiration guys.

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My step-son bought me the sweetest gift for Mother’s Day and my kiddos made cards – I am blessed.

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Fact of the day: 4 years ago on Mother’s Day my husband and I were still in Vegas celebrating our honeymoon.
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That has been today’s edition of randomness weekends with The Queen of WTF? Brought to you today by the letter L and the number 0

Until we meet again my friends, stay safe and be blessed.

 

Reading Between the Lines

good kid discount

It pays to have manners

When people speak about parenting, there are things they never mention. Things that most of us keep guiltily in the depth of our hearts, for fear of being judged or for fear of being the only one that feels this way; which is rarely the case.

You will pour your heart and soul into these tiny beings and your heart will break on a near daily basis for one reason or another. You will worry and obsess more about so many things that have never crossed your mind before. Everything from the ingredients in the food to terrible disaster our minds conjure up as parents, never mind we were little hellions ourselves growing up and survived just fine. It will be the most important and most (for the most part) thankless task you will ever undertake.

Having children doesn’t change certain parts of us. We don’t magically become these holy selfless beings. Tell the truth to your friends and encourage them. That little selfish part of us that wants a nap, or a bath or some time to ourselves will always be there, it is only  when we make ourselves or others ashamed of our needs that it becomes something ugly and hidden. It takes a daily act of will, strength of character to continuously put another’s needs before your own and sometimes at the expense of your own. We will fail, not because we are terrible people or parents, but because we are still human. Teaching our children how to humbly handle being wrong is a more important skill than we realize. I honestly can’t remember once my mother apologized to me as a child, and few as an adult.

It isn’t all nose to the grindstone. You will have moments of blinding joy. Moments that your heart threatens to burst from your chest from the sheer beauty of it. You will miss the dependance more than you know once they start growing apart from you. The sheer irony of our job is to teach them to be free of us, to think and function for themselves and then we tend to sabotage their attempt because we still want to protect them, we have a hard time letting go. This is the age though where you get some of you back again. When they are learning self-reliance and responsibility, let them be independent. Set the rules and guidelines and then trust them enough to nap with your door open. Kids blossom when they feel that praise and trust, even the toughest nut can be cracked by the right combination of rules and rewards. Even though that letting go process is bittersweet and painful, the grace with which you handle it or the lack thereof will affect your child forever so be mindful.

Any parent that won’t admit to messing up or not once has had to apologize to their child is either A) A liar B)A blissful first-time parent of a newborn C)A Stepford Spouse or D)A secret descendant of Yoda and you must teach me the ways of the force.

Seriously though, it never crossed my mind to wonder if my mother ever had moments when she (as is totally human) felt resentment for my attitude and stubbornness as a teenager and on into my early twenties. Is my now 13 year old son standing on the cusp of us engaging in the same age old battle for individuality? Does finding your own place in the world have to always be so painful to you and those around you? Or is there some other way to comfortably bridge that gap?

This parenting gig is rough! They should be born with warning labels and tiny manuals strapped to their little bottoms! Let me know your thoughts on the matter.

Until we meet again my friends, stay safe and be blessed!