Ciao 2015 ~ a farewell to thee
Frankly I’m not sure where to begin a summary of this year. The week of Christmas really took all I had to get through.
We worked really hard this year for Christmas. The tree we got was so amazing, even the paramedics commented on it – if that tells you anything. Then it was nearly denied when he got sick Tuesday before and was admitted to the hospital for days. He apparently told them Christmas Eve morning he was leaving, he had to be with his family.
The first trip they left him in a miserable heap, wrapped in a blanket, never bothering to give him an IV, meds or a sick bag. He returned the favor by making sure he spewed puke everywhere for them. I told them he was sick…. No one listens to me until I switch to bitch mode. I had no time because I was still in holy-smokes-this-is-serious mode.
The fact that he scooted out for Christmas is little consolation to me as I was suspicious at the time that he was no where near ready. He only broke his fever at 11pm the night before and had not even been monitored on a liquid or soft diet. Hell, he wasn’t done puking or being nauseous. To his credit he spent what little energy he had wrapping presents and playing Santa. He wanted to be part of it. Even if he did have to squat down and rest his head on his hands against the bed for a minute or so here and there. *SIIIIIIIGH*
I did my best to not be disappointed too badly by a holiday dream interrupted but when he got sick for the second time I was damn displeased. I’ve never seen my hubby so sick – he wasn’t even here, don’t know where he went on vacation to but it was crazy shit. The trip to the hospital was a nightmare ER side but when we got hospital side it was wonderful.
I’ve met this particular ER doctor once before and trust me when I say this won’t be an issue I drop. They nearly killed my husband with their stupid moves and the hospital is in pretty pathetic shape as far as supplies and staff goes too. The first time I met Dr. Fat @ss it was ME he was trying to kill. I’m not being dramatic either – wish I was. But I’m not sure I could make this up if I tried…..it all sounds so surreal.
I literally did not leave OD’s side once I made it to the hospital. I slept there, ate there until they discharged him. As soon as I arrived, I went out with the intentions of touching base and finding out what they knew and didn’t and he jumped in right off being an asshole. He started by claiming that OD had not been there for long. I had time to dry my clothes & his “hospital” blanket before I left for the hospital, not to mention it takes 45 minutes to get there on top of that. I stopped in my proverbial tracks for a second and then looked him square in the eye and told him I was simply giving them important information, that I was demanding or accusing nothing and used the exact wording “let’s get this clear right from the start”.
I saw a nurse off to my right get shocked to her core – like mouth dropped open and eyes bugged out. I finished telling them what they needed to know and then told them he was severely dehydrated and that seeing as my husband was not hooked up to anything and had been given no meds – was hot to my touch and still vomiting I would like to know what was going on. Then I pinned Ms. Shocked in my gaze and told her I’d be needing to speak with a supervisor apparently. Imagine my non-surprise, when suddenly a nurse appeared – I presume she was supposed to be the ‘battle axe’ no-nonsense one – with a handful of meds and an IV bag. ***there are days…..*** HER nonsense was stopped at the insinuation SHE was there looking out for her patient and I wasn’t….I informed her I was his wife and that WAS my job. She dropped her eyes and admitted immediately that I was right about that. Yeah….I had the upper hand and kept it.
They about KILLED his ass with a shot of benedryl and he wound up on heart monitor/code after that. I should have gone with my gut but I KNEW if we refused meds it upped his chances of being booted out by this lazy doctor. The nurse insisted they give it all the time for nausea when I questioned her and stopped hooking it up to his lock in a rather challenging manner. I just silently met her gaze and I was sorry I didn’t make a fuss. (we since found out the blood pressure meds he takes have a direct interaction with Benedryl – OY!) His chest hurt immediately and that battle axe blew it off telling him it would pass. It didn’t. His blood pressure dropped too damn low (93/50) – the EKG monitor alarm went off twice. The first time it happened I buzzed the desk when no one came. Their response was “Yeah, we see it on the screen out here”. O.o The first time I buzzed out there for meds – they shut the call light off without responding. Yes the nurse came in, but that wasn’t the point. That doc worked his butt off trying to prove I was wrong, this wasn’t a readmit and that hubby had picked up a secondary infection last visit.
It literally took FOREVER for Dr. F@# F@$# to get things done but I made it my business to be as sweet as I could possibly be to anyone and everyone who entered the room from that point on. wink After all I am a proper southern gal and this is war…..& I wasn’t stupid enough to set foot out of the ER, knowing they would not let me back in. It made for a VERY long 5 hour wait. To be fair…the last hour one nurse decided I wouldn’t bite and offered me a soda and a blanket.
Once he got admitted it was smooth sailing from there. The nurses who knew us chided him good naturedly for being back again and I told them he just wanted to get out and get presents. LOL. I’m still short on sleep, grouchy that the end of the year was as trying as the rest of it and not really expecting the new one to be that much different. It would be nice but at this point in life, being a realist is the only thing that keeps me sane. I HAVE to live in the real world or I would be overwhelmed. It’s my job to protect the rest of them.
Bubba is good. He is on the football team and slugging his way through life. The school is attempting some tricks I can’t really discuss right now. But I assure you they will NOT succeed. “They” couldn’t get my husband, they couldn’t get me and now they are targeting my children. We are on high alert, never fear. Hard to believe that he will be 16 next month. I hardly feel like the mother of a 16 year old – it seems like yesterday I was there myself. I look with shining eyes at the man he is becoming and despair of his teen habits as every parent does. But that boy really is something special and so is the relationship we share. Very unique, very open, very honest. I don’t have illusions that he tells me everything but he feels free to talk about the important ones with me and that is awesome.
My little tornado. WHEW. Where do we start with her. Still homeschooling and still dealing with the fallout from the issues with the school. We won’t be free of them “officially” till April and we will be so glad. We made moves to put protections in place for her as well so I am cautiously optimistic that we will have no further problems with legal entanglements. It’s a shame when a whole community teaches the youth that they cannot trust the adults around them for help. We are in the sad minority here. I’m shocked more voices have not been raised but then again they came up against a pretty unique pairing of skill sets with me and OrdinaryDad. Skills I’m glad to see being passed successfully to our two youngest where we never seemed to get through to the oldest three. She struggles a bit with missing her friends but loves the school program she does and the ability to be flexible and learn more about what interests her.
Yeah, this is one of those moments that’s got your name written all over it
And you know that if I had this one wish
It’d be that you didn’t have to miss this
Aw, you should be here…
We lost precious loved ones this year. Wounds that are still very raw for me for many different reasons. Friends and family taken from us far too soon, for one reason or another. Things like that leave a gap that can’t really be filled. When the wind blows….we feel the whistle. We missed some precious moments too because of the pride and petty hate of others. They will scar over in time and the experience and knowledge we gained just might be worth a few licks; I’ll let you know….
It was a constant battle of one kind or another thru the whole year. It was full of milestones, heartbreak, new knowledge, growth, temptations, trials, death, losses & triumphs. My mother’s surgery went well and she is home healing. Husband is home healing. Kids are healthy and so am I. But I won’t lie. I’m left feeling drained after it all, the best laid plans of mice and men. There are serious moments of doubt, where you start examining everything with a microscope but when the shit hits the fan it is how your heart/gut/soul feels about it that is real. The doubt is just the fear winning. Not that it really helps in those low moments…..I haven’t figured out how to protect myself from letting it get the upper hand some days. It’s voice is just so loud and insistent.
I haven’t kept in as close of contact as I’d like with my friends and family. It’s so hard for me to block out the noise of all the stress going on – everyone needs me for something – when a moment comes I just want to curl up with my soft little blanket and let the world drift away for a while. I think about you guys all the time and I feel a great amount of guilt for pulling away…..it’s just how I deal. It’s my survivor mode. I just literally can’t sometimes. There is a sad part of me too that has to shut out the sadness of us & our children not being able to grow up together. I miss you all dreadfully.
We have our Christmas lights on, the fireplace going and some wine in glasses ~ still fighting, still here and ready to face 2016 with steely determination. Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed my warrior friends.