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Big Decisions ~ Tough Choices

So I’ve been talking with y’all about a job opportunity that has come up outside of the home. I’ll be honest, I’ve been agonizing over the whole thing since it came up. My immediate response was to get excited….very excited. And that was the first thing that made me pause. Due to past circumstances, I don’t “hope” for a lot of things; not getting attached before it actually happens ~ hurts less. Those who understand that need no further explanation, and those that don’t well it’s hard to explain it in that case….

So I had to figure out why I got so excited. Done. Then I had to assess the pros and cons as some of you recommended. That is when it got complicated.

I WANT this job. I could do this job and excel at it!! I might even be able to add insight into it and make the program stronger. I would be administrating the whole thing eventually. Also, I would be able to easily finish my degree since schooling is the perk of the job. No other benefits, but even the hours are not that demanding to start. Money is good too, I won’t lie. There has been this hunger to do this for a long time. Circumstances have pulled me twice, for two different reasons and at two different times, from this exact thing. I have a burning need to prove everyone wrong and finish what I started. I was unfocused and adrift at that time in my life, struggling with burdens I no longer bear and I take back to the task some wisdom and strength I would not have had either. I believe that will make my school experience mean something more important and vital to myself. I want to prove to MYSELF that I can do this too. Doubt is a powerful prison but it can be a powerful fuel as well. So that one is about me. What I want and need.

Then I turned consideration to my children. They have paid the price with me the last 5 years. The hell of step-parenting, my being so ill, the stress of so many family members gone for one reason or another. I’d be trading the complete and now unimpeded focus of my attention for their last chunk of time as kids, lose my last chance to do what we tried to do from the start and possibly lost the chance to help my daughter tame this wildness inside herself as well as fail my son breaking my own silent promise to him. He only has 5 years left and she only has 8. Time has taught me those will be gone before I know it, even if I’m paying close attention. Don’t they finally deserve my healthy attention? My not sick, not stressed, can participate daily attention?

You bet your ass that I have fought for them. You bet I took care of them day and night since they first drew breath. But I was a single parent for the first chunk – no choice but to work though it tore me up to realize other people were in essence raising my kids. I’ve been sick as hell to the point of nearly dying the last 6 years – like literally in the hospital every other month or so till about 7 months ago and now that I have the chance I was praying and begging for, am I going to throw it away or tend to my family? God knows D and I have talked about it since the boys left and we are determined not to make the same mistakes with Bubba and Tornado. Yeah…..the scales didn’t just tip there, they slammed down hard to the other side.

After that I thought on it a while. Not the choice I want to make, but the right choice I think. I was swaying towards not thinking it was a good idea. That I was being selfish if I chose myself over parenting again. I tried to go to school again for a while when my son was a baby. Got a full scholarship. It required a minimum of 10 hours of work on the newspaper on top of a full time school load. My son was in daycare centers and homes. We had several bad run ins. Yes, some of the places were fantastic but some people should not EVER be near children. I kept a close watch and popped in at odd times. I caught it each time and it tore me up each time. How could I keep subjecting my child to this?

I quit school again, got a day job and sent him to one of the best centers in the area. He loved it, loves them and even three years ago when we went back for my nephew’s funeral he remembered them and was happy to see them. They were more family than anything and that is a rare find. I’ve also worked at daycare centers and know what can happen. Bubba is too old now, but idle hands we have discovered with the older 3 are the devils plaything. So critical timing on him. Tordado, like I said earlier, is our challenge and if I don’t help shape this, I admit that it could be, more likely than not, disastrous left unchecked into her teens.

We are planning some day trips and stuff with them, as well as gathering camping gear now that we have a permanent storage solution. Less time with other people entertaining them with what kinds of things happen in a small town with bored kids, more time learning what it means to enjoy yourself and build roots with your family.

Then something came up that would send a much needed jolt of instant life into our business and we could be up and running easily. This would require my flexibility at home. An ability to run the home office we have created now that we had an empty room. We would instantly have two people in mind for employees and I would need to handle scheduling for them as well as the increase from our other thing. It would be time to get serious and start kicking butt and taking names. This would include a slower version of finishing my degree. A few classes here and there at night. Not the immediate gratification a fast hard push would have but a battle worth fighting.

We would also be building something the kids are both interested in. My son has the programming interest and Tornado is all over advertising and stuff. It is so fun to watch them developing their different levels of interest so differently from the boys. Had the three of them not lost their minds, they would each be in charge of a division with 1 -2 employees by now. Too bad, because that looks impressive, not to mention they would be making near triple anything they are going to be able to find on their own. They could be making bank and living in nice houses and such but they chose to struggle out there instead which is still hard for us to understand. We are trying to teach Tornado and Bubba as well because it doesn’t make sense to them and they have said as much, more than once.

Building this business back after all the hits we have taken is a battle worth fighting. Ordinary Dad did not push me at all. When I told him about my decision to turn the job down, he listened quietly to all my reasons and supported me. When, and only when, I directly asked him did he express his hope about the job and my wanting to stay here. Though he was the one that put my name up in the first place and brought news of it home. He would have supported me working if that is what I had wanted. And he supports my school desire too for me and for the benefit to our work. He wants what makes me happy and is secure enough to admit he hoped I would choose this, not only for me but for what we promised and dreamed together. So at the end of it, I am sorry to miss this chance ~ I got to see what I would be missing and that the dream I do have was what makes me happy all along. I would miss that if I didn’t understand dreams can change like people do. This is still my dream, it’s just not my most important one anymore. So I feel blessed and I guess I know what needs to be done. What has always needed to be done.

I am not going to rush it either by doing an online version. I will walk the campus, help with the business but first and foremost it is my job, my desire, my humble honor to take care of my kids and my husband. It isn’t my way is right, your way is wrong – it isn’t anything but an honest assessment of what the need not the want is and what is truly important at THIS moment in our lives.

the choice only YOU can make

the choice only YOU can make

Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed my friends.

 

Has it really been a decade?

baby tornado

baby tornado

It was 10 years ago that you blew into our lives. Strong and stubborn and so beautiful. You reminded me of a precious moments doll. It wasn’t hard to guess from the start how it was going to be. I think back fondly of our “push wars” when I was pregnant. Little peanut  would dig into my hipbone and stretch – I’d put a hand there to stop her and the tug of war began LOL. I used to joke that after you were born first I would kiss you then I would swat your stubborn little butt. LOL. Little did I know how caught up in your energy we would all be.

You didn’t want to do any work to get here but once you decided to be born, you had the doctor running in the room, diving into gown and gloves and GO!!

You were 3 1/2 years behind your brother but you didn’t waste a moment. By the time you were 2 you had already been the first with a staple, dislocated your elbow climbing in church, been through a surgery, had the full allergy testing done, ear tubes and more and come through it all fighting.

That night I sat in the chapel praying when you were sick with rotovirus, the day you and Mr. BBP had the wreck….those are a couple of heart stopping moments that come to mind. But you haven’t let anything dampen that fiery spirit of yours. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for you though. I needed someone to shake me down to the core and bring me face to face with life. You see it isn’t a parent “curse” it is more like what you need in your life, you will see through your children and their journey if you pay attention.

When she was still in diapers a group of me and my friends got together in a madcap weekend we still dub Kansastock. (circa 95?) She charmed the pants off the group and so no one believes me when I tell them she is rotten *giggle* And once she turned those baby blues on anyone they were a goner.

My auntie & me

My auntie & me

Here is a pic of her with my SS – y’all know her as 1st Time Mamma. I hope she doesn’t mind that I shared this. I guess I am waxing melancholy about a lot of things. This was the first time they had met and as you can see – Tornado was quite content to snuggle up with her auntie and she was the type of kid that you were lucky if she warmed up to you, contrary to her brother who never met a stranger.

She is my stubborn child, my turn around and do the opposite child. She is my strong one, the one that doesn’t let herself be pushed around. In fact I hope she keeps on that way, because at 8 or 9 she was already smarter than me. She came home one day and told me that she had “broken up” with her bf. *rolls eyes* I asked why and she said that he wouldn’t play with her, then when they were doing some cheerleading stuff he ran off and dropped her. So she snaps her hands to her hips, does that little head swivel thing, then whips out the finger wag and says “I told him that if he didn’t want to spend time with me and didn’t care about my safety, then I will find someone who will”…..

I tell you friends, I wanted to drop to my knees and thank God then and there. LOL. Pray that she keeps that in her mind as she gets older. She will avoid a lot of heartache that way.

As time has gone on, she has gotten more stubborn and more beautiful. She stays pretty effortlessly on the A/B honor roll, don’t know what she could do if she actually put effort into it. She isn’t really self-conscious about herself. She was able to make up a demonstration and present it to the class for her 4-H project without any help from me. We were going to do sewing but I got sick and wasn’t able to help her. She as usual didn’t let that stop her and boldly stepped out on her own. She is forever tackling things that are twice her size and seems surprised when she comes up against something that stumps her. She has a wicked temper, a smart mouth and a helluva pair of lungs but the sheer boundless joy and appreciation she has for the things and people she loves go far toward forgiving her those foibles.

We will get a handle on things as she continues to grow and I couldn’t be prouder of how strong, loving, compassionate and smart my kids are. She was the first girl on either side so she is spoiled like every little princess should be, with enough guidelines and firm parenting to keep her on this side of good.

Happy 10 th Birthday my little blue-eyed tornado. I cannot wait to see what life brings you, to walk along your side as you triumph and fall. To watch that live out loud attitude take you the places you dream of already. Dad and I love you and are so proud of you. And I know that if your daddy was still here, he would be too.

Bubba & Tornado

Bubba & Tornado

All grown up

All grown up

You’ve come a long way baby….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed.

I’m freakin’ Superman in my spare time….

I absolutely love being a stay at home mom and my husband works very hard to make that happen. It was a decision we made together. It ended up working out too while I was so sick. We don’t have a whole lot of extras but we have a pretty decent life. I’ve had much less for the vast majority of my life and so I count the blessings rather than complain about what isn’t perfect here. I have been seeing a new specialist that has made the most progress with my diagnosis and my medications. I have been 5 months without an episode. However my husband and I were talking about it the other night and we also believe that it had something to do with the amount of stress and anxiety that his boys had put us through. The timing just kind of works out that way and so it makes us wonder. The last time I went this long it was when I went to KS and we were separated and it was 4 months.

Since stress is the major activator of my issue it makes sense. Now they are all gone and not helping or even speaking to us. OrdinaryDad, the kids and I have all been pulling double time to keep up with everything. Funny thing is, even though it is stressful, it is getting done and better than when they were around and the extra stress is not causing me any issues. If anything I am working harder and healthier than I have been able to in a long time.

It’s OrdinaryDad who is suffering more than I and I think that is because all my energy is channeled into helping support him and making sure he is okay. Doesn’t matter what they say or do towards me, I haven’t cared what others have thought for a very long time. I’ve dealt with crazy family and drama my whole life and nothing they have done, could do or think of doing would knock me down because I HAVE survived the worst of the worst. It has made me strong and it has made me a fighter. And when I am in fight mode, I don’t have time to worry about my hurt little feelings or even if I do have any. Which is why I’m titled a bitch.Strong women who speak their mind and stand their ground loudly aren’t really appreciate around here. Especially in the South. They are more into the subtle Southern F-you. The one where they tell you to go to hell and you look forward to the trip before figuring out you have been insulted – and usually not till much later.

So between juggling the house and all the things that go with that, the kids and dinner and all the animals etc I am also holding together the strong person who usually helps hold me. Revamping plans for the family business, taking up the slack, stepping up and running some of the other things going on that we keep private from my blog, running this blog and my fan page, which thanks to all you wonderful people is starting to take off. I am also working on a short piece as well as perhaps a book, with the encouragement of a fellow author, blogger and friend.

Yes I have my moments of frustration, upset or resentment but in the end I love my life and chose it for a reason and I will be dammed if anything is going to take that away or otherwise mess with it.

They read this blog avidly. They can’t help themselves. They look for any little crack, any little detail they could possibly use. They blow things out of proportion or flat out lie (yes we have had to defend ourselves in court from the neighbors more than once) and so instead of taking a defensive position we are all offense baby. Starting to take care of our lives as if these people no longer exist. There was a hollow look in his eyes when he told me that his boys no longer existed to him, they have crossed the line and done too much; there is no going back now. And despite all the hurt they caused me it distressed me to hear that. I know all you parents out there are all like “No matter what my kid ever did to me I would never stop loving them or disown them” – well guess what. I was in your shoes too. Still kind of feel that way about it because I trust my kids won’t repeat this disaster. But I do know the possibility exists. And I totally understand why he feels that way. Until you have had your own flesh and blood betray you, lie about you, use you, manipulate you, try to destroy your marriage and then say “you made your bed I hope you die in it” (yes that is a direct quote from Mr. BBP to his dad via text last night) ~ then please don’t come in here throwing darts because he said that.

He means it now and I stand by him, but if he changed his mind in the future because they grew up or realized the truth I would still support his reconnecting with them. But he feels they burned a bridge and it is done at the moment. Do you blame him? His son also flung this blog in his face saying “You still haven’t read her blog and you take her side against us”. Let me speak very slowly and clearly for you ASSHOLEdon't be an asshole.

1) THIS BLOG HANGS OFF YOUR FATHER’S PERSONALLY OWNED WEBSITE – SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE DOESN’T HAVE OPEN ACCESS TO IT.

2) QUITE OFTEN I READ HIM PASSAGES FOR HIS APPROVAL. YES I HAVE CHANGED THINGS AT HIS REQUEST.

3) I HAVE WRITTEN MOST ALL OF WHAT IS HERE WITH HIS PERMISSION AND ENCOURAGEMENT.

4) EVERYTHING HERE IS THE TRUTH AND YOU JUST DON’T LIKE IT BEING OUT THERE FOR GOD AND EVERYONE TO SEE YOUR BULLSHIT

5) I AM ASHAMED OF NOTHING IN THIS BLOG AND YOU CAN SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT.

6) TEST ME – PLEASE TEST ME……

Listen closely.

I.perfect I dont' care
don’t.
give.
a.
flying.
fuck.
what.
you.
think.
of.
me.

You are so wrong here it isn’t even funny. Your dad is wondering if you have lost your ever loving mind. You not only threatened his client relationship and challenged they would pick you over him, saying he couldn’t do a damn thing about it (as if he was even going to or is even like that dummy) but on top of that, you wished him to die. A direct threat against him. I wouldn’t push your luck any further. Karma is a bitch and I promise if you follow the neighbors path and papaw’s path – it won’t play out like you think it will.entitlement

And just an FYI – YOU are the only one who flunked out of school Mr. BBP. I was nearly killed in an auto accident my first round and my second round I chose raising my kid over finishing school at that time. I’ve never flunked out like you did. And in a matter of a year or so, I can have my masters degree – you don’t have shit. Have a nice life.

Keep reading me, keep hating me ~ it affects my life not at all. We will press on, be successful, shake the dust of all this bullshit off our shoes and raise our family together. You chose not to be a part of that. YOU chose to write yourself out of your father’s story. And YOU chose the enemy over him not the other way around. My friends and fans stand by me and so does OrdinaryDad as well as my kids both adopted and blood. So keep it up, nothing you do matter to us. I have my happiness and place to be at home, you threw yours away.

   pocket full of fucks

See my friends, I try to speak about other topics and they just refuse to give me breathing space. Thanks for being there for the journey both good and bad. Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed.

 

Sending Heaven A Message ~ Too Much Sadness Today

Today is Father’s Day and for some of us, it is a hard day. We don’t have fathers who are with us, for whatever that reason may be. My father has passed and I have friends and family who will have a hard time today as well because they are missing their fathers too.

dear father

…..however mine is colored with regret for not ever having a real father in my life. I’m sure some of you can share that feeling as well.

I started the weird tradition in my family (when I became a single parent myself and understood all that my mother had to deal with) of calling her and wishing her a Happy Father’s Day. By then I knew what it took to be both parents to my two children. I have a son and a daughter so I see the need from both sides for a father in a child’s life.

I figured if she did the job of both, shouldn’t she get the credit too? When my sisters wound up in the same boat, they, as well as any of my single parent friends also get my calls/text/wishes on those holidays.And yes, I do wish my single father’s a Happy Mother’s Day as well. I simply admire anyone who takes a stacked deck and actually parents with it.

 

I try to focus on this day on the fact that I have a wonderful man in my children’s lives and that they won’t miss out on having someone in their lives like I did. But on this day they also hurt because they remember their dad isn’t here. My son because he remembers, my daughter because she can’t.

My husband went to town yesterday to run errands for guy stuff like Tractor Supply for dog food and parts for our John Deere Mower you know, guys junk. And my son went along for the ride. I’ll tell ya, he came back feeling 10ft tall because he got to go. My husband is no slouch when it comes to parenting. When he married his ex she had two kids, then they had three and when we got married I had two. So in all, he has been through 7 kids. I think he may have picked up a tip or two.

He has been there for everything over the last 7 years. He was there when my daughter got potty trained, when my son rode his first two-wheeled bike and then my daughter as well. He has been there through all the bad stuff too, like the day we almost lost two of our kids to a wicked car accident or the day we had to tell mine their daddy was gone. He was there, being a rock, a great man, a great father, a best friend. He will be there for their future things like graduation, getting married, having children; and I think that I couldn’t have asked for a better person in their lives. eternal calling

Today my heart breaks for OrdinaryDad. He is feeling it especially hard after Mr. BBP paid him and unpleasant visit. The little shitbird came up, dropped off the money for this phone – two days late ($60/mo), took the rest of his stuff, lipped off to his dad, accused him of kicking him out (still not admitting to the failing college and taking off and lying), tried to take his dog down to the neighbor’s house (and accused me of potentially doing something to her), lipped off some more, said he didn’t care about lying and using our client to do so, fucker actually shrugged. Funny thing is that he and I barely fought compared to his twin and when his twin left he bailed on HIS dog too and Chaos is thriving. Hell Sable sleeps with US now at night. She hasn’t really acted as bad as we thought she might.

On his way out the door I said “Nice Father’s Day, asshole”.  and he turned around and told me to go fuck myself which it totally fine, I laughed in his face. Then he proceeded to lip off some more to his dad on the front porch while OD had to make sure he didn’t steal Sable. Keeps saying it doesn’t matter, that he “can’t afford school” even though he is/was getting way more money this coming semester than he had first round. There is something seriously wrong with that boy. He has finally snapped like we worried he would, and it is just as ugly as we thought. He didn’t even try to come up here nice, he hit the door with a bad attitude. He was looking for a fight.

OD had to tell him he wasn’t taking the dog anywhere until he could prove he had a place to live with him and her. Claims he is finding something in town that will allow a pet….really? Umm I have looked for places to live many, many times in my life and good luck finding something. You really have no clue. And if you do, the deposit is a nice chunk of change.

My husband’s heart leapt in his chest when Mr. BBP sent the Happy Father’s Day text and asked if he could come up. He was so excited to hear from and get to see one of his boys today and now he is broken hearted again and I am angry on his behalf. But he will sit there bleeding from his wounds, drop by drop and just keep taking the slashes. He doesn’t stand up for himself let alone lash out and I’m curious if I will feel the same way if my kids act like jerks when they get older. Because I say right now I don’t care who you are, you are expected to treat me with the same respect I give you, and for that matter, if you push too hard, expect me to push back period.

This sucks so hard because I can’t help him other than be there to hold him together when he falls apart and yes he cries, I can only imagine how it hurts him to see what all the scars they carried have done to them and their choices. It hurts to watch a son have it all and let it go and to not even have the courtesy of giving his dad an explanation to understand it all. It hurts him to watch them live a lie and believe that lie and use that lie as a weapon against him. But he loves them enough to take it, he loves them enough to leave the door open, he loves them enough to love them even when they throw it in his face and I can’t help but admire him for it.

This is an exceptional man, and I am honored to share his life. Please send your thoughts and prayers to him. I’ll stand strong while he can’t because he never fails to stand strong for his family.

Appreciate what you have my friends. Please tell your loved ones how you feel and don’t let petty things stand in the way. Some day you might look back and it will be too late.

Until next time my friends, stay safe and be blessed.

to have a child

Dude, Bail? I think bail………..bail. Yep, bail.

Dear Spoiled-Ass Teenage Jerk-off:

You thought “you could come and go as you please” because you interpreted us saying we would treat you like an adult when you turned 18 to mean free license to act a fool. Let me translate a few things for you.

Having freedom to choose when and where you go is totally different than having 100% freedom to come and go as you please. You cannot come home at 3-4 am or whenever, simply because, no matter how you now choose to live your life, we have business to handle. We are still going to work, paying bills and taking care of younger kids. We cannot be woken at any time of the middle of the night you decide to stroll in because we have to actually sleep and be responsible. Remember the dogs will bark their asses off and so there is no coming in silently, not to mention we hear the vehicles. It is part of respecting whatever household you are in. Trust me, if you worked a third shift job and people were louder than hell when you were trying to sleep you would be the FIRST to lose your mind and temper. It also doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t at least ball park the who, what, when and where so that if something happens, we know how to get a hold of you and when-ish to expect you in case, God forbid, you were in an accident. It has happened before and it almost killed you and Alex so why the hell would you turning one year older change us worrying about your safety? You say you will be home or we expect you and then you don’t show – we worry. Oh my God we are TERRIBLE parents. Get a fucking grip.you.big.baby! And to top it off, you expect us to tell you every single detail of our lives and reasoning but feel like you shouldn’t have to tell us anything.

Paying for your own car insurance and gas is not special, it is NORMAL. You are not helping out the family by doing this. You are preventing YOUR issue from becoming ours by handling it, and let me remind you we carried your ass for a LONG time when you couldn’t get it together AND paid for your gas; now you are merely handling what you should have been doing since 16. You are 3 years late and much too ungrateful.

You treat the house like it is the college buffet. There is nothing wrong with you wiping out 6 pieces of fish or 8 eggs in the morning (in one sitting) for example and then you ask us how dare we hint you should have been helping out with a bill or the food since you were working. If you HAD been doing these things, you might have a legitimate argument, but you weren’t even close, you want to blow all your money on BS with your friends. And accuse your dad of mistreating you to ask you this at the age of 19. Like it was the same as his parents making him pay for his own room as the oldest since he was 15.

You can say you were gonna all you want and the fact is that in life, actions will always speak louder than words. Not ONCE have we been able to go out to dinner or on a date. Not even once in a blue moon because your fun is top priority. Not once did you offer to help your dad by doing things you know needed to be done. Nope, you would add to his list by breaking shit then never even attempting to fix them, let alone pay for them. You did not want to handle your ONE chore in this house – and couldn’t even change a bathroom trash can, you were not around to take care of your dog – she was never walked, had to beg you to go out, even peed on your bed because you barely bothered. You refused to help out any extra and bitched about the little you did, didn’t bother with your father’s birthday or Father’s Day ever unless I reminded you, let alone care about holidays or birthdays for anyone but yourself. This is not being a loving, good son; no matter how smart ass you say it to your dad.

You were not the babysitter, you have been asked ONCE recently and that was to make a trip out to Nashville to see the specialist, and all you had to do was get them off the bus and feed them and put them to bed. OMG so fucking hard. You are so put upon. You aren’t a man, you aren’t even close. A real man cares about his family, a real man pulls his share and more if someone can’t, a real man thinks about someone other than himself, a real man admits his mistakes and seeks to better himself. You are a wanna-be, nothing more. You know it and most people know it. You would be surprised how many people have stopped me since hearing what you did to say how stupid you are and what an asshole you act like when you aren’t here. I sure hope someone knocks that chip off your shoulder soon or you are in a world of trouble. That anger you hoard is gonna spill over and it is going to be ugly.

You have literally been out nearly every night with your buddies this semester. You had all the freedom you could desire and the support both financial and emotional you could have desired. Good luck on your own out there. The world is gonna take a bite out of you. You are too stubborn and arrogant to last long without it happening.

Oh and your sick, fucked in the head accusations about Sable and us “doing something” to her just show me how disturbed you really are. Chaos is just fine and actually doing better now than he was before he got left.  Dad doesn’t want to see you or talk to you right now because he is so hurt and for that reason alone I can’t vouch for the reception you will get from me.

Sincerely,

Me.

P.S. Fuck you. Karma will be there soon.

I said it

Sorry friends, this too shall pass. Stay safe and be blessed. I pray that your families are at peace and that ours will find peace soon.

 

I am sooo Entitled…..

I am seriously SMFH. What is it with today’s youth that they feel entitled to certain things before they have earned them?

words for teenagers

The constant refrain I hear, even around here, is “the world doesn’t owe you anything”. I have spent my whole life, as the product of a single parent home, understanding that nothing worth having comes easy or cheap. There is a price to be paid for everything. Sometimes we trade one thing for another. Does it matter? When it comes down to brass tacks, you have to bust your ass to get anywhere in life. Sure fate plays a role, but I sincerely believe our destiny is what we make of it.

I see all these teenagers and young 20s sitting around whining about life. And I will tell you where and how it started. It started with all this feel good BS we shovel, it started with EVERYONE gets a trophy, everyone makes the team, no one’s feelings can get hurt and we have to “protect their fragile little egos”. Fragile my ass, kids are tough as nails, kids are dictators; kids are barbarians that need to be shown how to act civilized; they have to be taught to find their conscience. Come on, let’s be honest.

I have very, VERY, strong -willed children. (yes that does include my asshole step-sons 😉 – lol) I am way too far into this parenting gig to lie to myself or to you my friends. Oh sure, I can put a tu-tu on it, but why bother? We are all adults here. They will complain no matter how good they have it, honestly – the better they have it, the more they seem to complain these days. It’s like the cushion we have been providing because “we were gonna raise our kids different from the strict nonsense. WE are gonna understand them like we weren’t….” or whatever reasons drive you because each of us is different despite our similarities.

Still they are sliding through school, sliding through home life with no responsibilities, given every reason in the world not to succeed and we act surprised when they get out of line. How else can I explain the basic need for us to let them fail when it is little, when we can kind of, direct the blow? Failure is a must have in order to survive. If we scuttled after a child constantly and never let them get hurt they would never know and be sent out into the world expecting the same. If we love our children and truly want what is best for them I believe we need to teach them that life isn’t fair, that roads get bumpy, that you may not end up where you thought you would be, but that the journey was worth it and the place is exactly where you need to be.

No boss will call your house to make sure you are out of bed on time. No doctor will sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health because you won’t take care of yourself. There is no magic kiss that will make your heartaches better when you grow up. It is hard. Life is hard. We have to teach them it is worth it.

worth it

What are your thoughts my friends? Until next we meet, stay safe and be blessed.

 

Um, I missed this chapter in Parenting 101

.............did I get it all?

Oh Lordy, you can’t make this shit up!! I swear to you.It was a ‘no shit, there I was’ kind of moment.

I admit to being a complete and utter germaphobe when it comes to public bathrooms. Among the worst rank bars, airports, gas stations and stadium bathrooms.

please let there be covers.....

Last night was our first ‘real’ home game and it just so happened we were playing our old rivals the Chargers. They have had a terrible run (13 losses in a row) and last nights astounding win by our Wildcats 46-14 was worth what we went through to see it occur. In the first three minutes of the game we scored 14 points in 7 plays unopposed. And then it happened. Huge bolts of air to ground lightning and the TSSAA rules had both teams scurrying for the locker rooms. A lot of fans headed under the bleachers and a friendly neighbor lent my husband and I a small umbrella to use. Contrary to my weather channel app on my BB – durn thing lied, it was supposed to pass quickly and looked relatively small. We got poured on for an hour and fifteen minutes. There was no helping it. If you stuck it out, you got soaked. My right side as well as (thanks to the runoff) my rear end were soaked. I thought I’d be smart and wear these comfy cotton pants and rolled the cuffs up to wear with the red Wildcat shirts. Pain is temporary – Pride is forever!! Wildcat Pride :)

After things finally started to clear up, and the required time had passed both teams came back out to start playing. Nope, they don’t call the game for anything – other than lightning breaks lol. Our boys are born mudders though. They remained unchallenged until the coach sent in the JV. He believe in giving them the experience verses ramming an obvious slaughter down the other team’s throats. That’s just how we roll here.

Finally fed up with just not ‘feeling it’ I slogged my way to the bathrooms with Alex in tow. Now come on ladies, let me hear ya! What is the first thing we do? Yep, cover the toilet with the toilet paper barrier or put down the seat covers provided (if you’re lucky). So Alex goes first and has a smidge of trouble with the tp sticking since she was kinda wet. We use the handicapped stall since she still doesn’t feel comfortable going herself in extremely public places..I helped her get situated and it wasn’t but a small blip of trouble.

So my turn, again the tp ring and I peel off my layer to sit not even thinking. So the tp promptly adheres to my rear end and thighs, because my skin is wet and when I stand up, they stay attached. Now stop laughing damn it……..wipe your eyes so you can read the rest, it gets worse………or better depending on which side of this story you are on. I valiantly try to peel the damn treacherous 1/2 ply cheap toilet paper they always seem to have, off of my skin but it was glued on. You know, the kind where you have to worry whether or not your finger might accidentally slip through…well this is another side effect of the tissue paper thin toilet paper they provide.

So this tissue paper thin stuff is hard as hell to peel off and when my daughter leans over and starts pragmatically peeling off pieces then further humiliates me by saying matter of factly, you missed some more mom. O…M…G!! I frantically start rubbing at it, trying to get it off and keep trying to refrain from ‘making it a big deal’ by succumbing to the temptation to swat her hand away. After all, she was just trying to help. Lord, if you could please make THIS one of the childhood memories she forgets, I would really appreciate it.

.............did I get it all?

Just when I couldn’t feel more embare-rassed I turn my rear to her and say, did I get it all. I wanted to die on the spot from either shame or hysterical laughter, I couldn’t decide. Though now I can hardly quit laughing long enough to type this out. She leans over to pull another strip off the other side. ARG, please let this be over with quickly!!! Finally when I could feel no more obvious tp remnants I yanked up my pants and said lets go, knowing the first thing I would do when I got home was check it out, dry off and put on something warm to help me get over the trauma………. LOL

Needless to say I spent the next 15 minutes under the hand dryer, drying myself out a bit. She tried to do the same and her petite size kept her from getting close enough to dry much but her hair and shoulders. Though she kept an exaggerated hop up attempting it anyways.

I see my moment and totally exact my revenge. I calmly point to the other end of the bathroom where the hand dryer is about 4 inches from the sink edge and say “Why don’t you sit on the edge and dry yourself with that one”. She took one look at me over her shoulder through narrowed eyes and her expression clearly said “fuck you very much mom” and I laughed some more as she dried herself off. I even sucked it up enough to amuse her with an exaggerated booty shake under the dryer. While the bathroom was totally empty of course………..I’m not that stupid. LOL ;-P

So I don’t know whether to chalk this up as a fond memory or hope like hell if I’m old and not capable of taking care of myself, my daughter won’t be wiping my bum and thinking back to that day when she was 8 and had to help her mom peel toilet paper off her ass? Great, and my ‘walking recorder’ just HAD to be the one witness……oh wait I guess now all of you know now too. :p