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Has it really been a decade?

baby tornado

baby tornado

It was 10 years ago that you blew into our lives. Strong and stubborn and so beautiful. You reminded me of a precious moments doll. It wasn’t hard to guess from the start how it was going to be. I think back fondly of our “push wars” when I was pregnant. Little peanut  would dig into my hipbone and stretch – I’d put a hand there to stop her and the tug of war began LOL. I used to joke that after you were born first I would kiss you then I would swat your stubborn little butt. LOL. Little did I know how caught up in your energy we would all be.

You didn’t want to do any work to get here but once you decided to be born, you had the doctor running in the room, diving into gown and gloves and GO!!

You were 3 1/2 years behind your brother but you didn’t waste a moment. By the time you were 2 you had already been the first with a staple, dislocated your elbow climbing in church, been through a surgery, had the full allergy testing done, ear tubes and more and come through it all fighting.

That night I sat in the chapel praying when you were sick with rotovirus, the day you and Mr. BBP had the wreck….those are a couple of heart stopping moments that come to mind. But you haven’t let anything dampen that fiery spirit of yours. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for you though. I needed someone to shake me down to the core and bring me face to face with life. You see it isn’t a parent “curse” it is more like what you need in your life, you will see through your children and their journey if you pay attention.

When she was still in diapers a group of me and my friends got together in a madcap weekend we still dub Kansastock. (circa 95?) She charmed the pants off the group and so no one believes me when I tell them she is rotten *giggle* And once she turned those baby blues on anyone they were a goner.

My auntie & me

My auntie & me

Here is a pic of her with my SS – y’all know her as 1st Time Mamma. I hope she doesn’t mind that I shared this. I guess I am waxing melancholy about a lot of things. This was the first time they had met and as you can see – Tornado was quite content to snuggle up with her auntie and she was the type of kid that you were lucky if she warmed up to you, contrary to her brother who never met a stranger.

She is my stubborn child, my turn around and do the opposite child. She is my strong one, the one that doesn’t let herself be pushed around. In fact I hope she keeps on that way, because at 8 or 9 she was already smarter than me. She came home one day and told me that she had “broken up” with her bf. *rolls eyes* I asked why and she said that he wouldn’t play with her, then when they were doing some cheerleading stuff he ran off and dropped her. So she snaps her hands to her hips, does that little head swivel thing, then whips out the finger wag and says “I told him that if he didn’t want to spend time with me and didn’t care about my safety, then I will find someone who will”…..

I tell you friends, I wanted to drop to my knees and thank God then and there. LOL. Pray that she keeps that in her mind as she gets older. She will avoid a lot of heartache that way.

As time has gone on, she has gotten more stubborn and more beautiful. She stays pretty effortlessly on the A/B honor roll, don’t know what she could do if she actually put effort into it. She isn’t really self-conscious about herself. She was able to make up a demonstration and present it to the class for her 4-H project without any help from me. We were going to do sewing but I got sick and wasn’t able to help her. She as usual didn’t let that stop her and boldly stepped out on her own. She is forever tackling things that are twice her size and seems surprised when she comes up against something that stumps her. She has a wicked temper, a smart mouth and a helluva pair of lungs but the sheer boundless joy and appreciation she has for the things and people she loves go far toward forgiving her those foibles.

We will get a handle on things as she continues to grow and I couldn’t be prouder of how strong, loving, compassionate and smart my kids are. She was the first girl on either side so she is spoiled like every little princess should be, with enough guidelines and firm parenting to keep her on this side of good.

Happy 10 th Birthday my little blue-eyed tornado. I cannot wait to see what life brings you, to walk along your side as you triumph and fall. To watch that live out loud attitude take you the places you dream of already. Dad and I love you and are so proud of you. And I know that if your daddy was still here, he would be too.

Bubba & Tornado

Bubba & Tornado

All grown up

All grown up

You’ve come a long way baby….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed.

I’m freakin’ Superman in my spare time….

I absolutely love being a stay at home mom and my husband works very hard to make that happen. It was a decision we made together. It ended up working out too while I was so sick. We don’t have a whole lot of extras but we have a pretty decent life. I’ve had much less for the vast majority of my life and so I count the blessings rather than complain about what isn’t perfect here. I have been seeing a new specialist that has made the most progress with my diagnosis and my medications. I have been 5 months without an episode. However my husband and I were talking about it the other night and we also believe that it had something to do with the amount of stress and anxiety that his boys had put us through. The timing just kind of works out that way and so it makes us wonder. The last time I went this long it was when I went to KS and we were separated and it was 4 months.

Since stress is the major activator of my issue it makes sense. Now they are all gone and not helping or even speaking to us. OrdinaryDad, the kids and I have all been pulling double time to keep up with everything. Funny thing is, even though it is stressful, it is getting done and better than when they were around and the extra stress is not causing me any issues. If anything I am working harder and healthier than I have been able to in a long time.

It’s OrdinaryDad who is suffering more than I and I think that is because all my energy is channeled into helping support him and making sure he is okay. Doesn’t matter what they say or do towards me, I haven’t cared what others have thought for a very long time. I’ve dealt with crazy family and drama my whole life and nothing they have done, could do or think of doing would knock me down because I HAVE survived the worst of the worst. It has made me strong and it has made me a fighter. And when I am in fight mode, I don’t have time to worry about my hurt little feelings or even if I do have any. Which is why I’m titled a bitch.Strong women who speak their mind and stand their ground loudly aren’t really appreciate around here. Especially in the South. They are more into the subtle Southern F-you. The one where they tell you to go to hell and you look forward to the trip before figuring out you have been insulted – and usually not till much later.

So between juggling the house and all the things that go with that, the kids and dinner and all the animals etc I am also holding together the strong person who usually helps hold me. Revamping plans for the family business, taking up the slack, stepping up and running some of the other things going on that we keep private from my blog, running this blog and my fan page, which thanks to all you wonderful people is starting to take off. I am also working on a short piece as well as perhaps a book, with the encouragement of a fellow author, blogger and friend.

Yes I have my moments of frustration, upset or resentment but in the end I love my life and chose it for a reason and I will be dammed if anything is going to take that away or otherwise mess with it.

They read this blog avidly. They can’t help themselves. They look for any little crack, any little detail they could possibly use. They blow things out of proportion or flat out lie (yes we have had to defend ourselves in court from the neighbors more than once) and so instead of taking a defensive position we are all offense baby. Starting to take care of our lives as if these people no longer exist. There was a hollow look in his eyes when he told me that his boys no longer existed to him, they have crossed the line and done too much; there is no going back now. And despite all the hurt they caused me it distressed me to hear that. I know all you parents out there are all like “No matter what my kid ever did to me I would never stop loving them or disown them” – well guess what. I was in your shoes too. Still kind of feel that way about it because I trust my kids won’t repeat this disaster. But I do know the possibility exists. And I totally understand why he feels that way. Until you have had your own flesh and blood betray you, lie about you, use you, manipulate you, try to destroy your marriage and then say “you made your bed I hope you die in it” (yes that is a direct quote from Mr. BBP to his dad via text last night) ~ then please don’t come in here throwing darts because he said that.

He means it now and I stand by him, but if he changed his mind in the future because they grew up or realized the truth I would still support his reconnecting with them. But he feels they burned a bridge and it is done at the moment. Do you blame him? His son also flung this blog in his face saying “You still haven’t read her blog and you take her side against us”. Let me speak very slowly and clearly for you ASSHOLEdon't be an asshole.

1) THIS BLOG HANGS OFF YOUR FATHER’S PERSONALLY OWNED WEBSITE – SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE DOESN’T HAVE OPEN ACCESS TO IT.

2) QUITE OFTEN I READ HIM PASSAGES FOR HIS APPROVAL. YES I HAVE CHANGED THINGS AT HIS REQUEST.

3) I HAVE WRITTEN MOST ALL OF WHAT IS HERE WITH HIS PERMISSION AND ENCOURAGEMENT.

4) EVERYTHING HERE IS THE TRUTH AND YOU JUST DON’T LIKE IT BEING OUT THERE FOR GOD AND EVERYONE TO SEE YOUR BULLSHIT

5) I AM ASHAMED OF NOTHING IN THIS BLOG AND YOU CAN SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT.

6) TEST ME – PLEASE TEST ME……

Listen closely.

I.perfect I dont' care
don’t.
give.
a.
flying.
fuck.
what.
you.
think.
of.
me.

You are so wrong here it isn’t even funny. Your dad is wondering if you have lost your ever loving mind. You not only threatened his client relationship and challenged they would pick you over him, saying he couldn’t do a damn thing about it (as if he was even going to or is even like that dummy) but on top of that, you wished him to die. A direct threat against him. I wouldn’t push your luck any further. Karma is a bitch and I promise if you follow the neighbors path and papaw’s path – it won’t play out like you think it will.entitlement

And just an FYI – YOU are the only one who flunked out of school Mr. BBP. I was nearly killed in an auto accident my first round and my second round I chose raising my kid over finishing school at that time. I’ve never flunked out like you did. And in a matter of a year or so, I can have my masters degree – you don’t have shit. Have a nice life.

Keep reading me, keep hating me ~ it affects my life not at all. We will press on, be successful, shake the dust of all this bullshit off our shoes and raise our family together. You chose not to be a part of that. YOU chose to write yourself out of your father’s story. And YOU chose the enemy over him not the other way around. My friends and fans stand by me and so does OrdinaryDad as well as my kids both adopted and blood. So keep it up, nothing you do matter to us. I have my happiness and place to be at home, you threw yours away.

   pocket full of fucks

See my friends, I try to speak about other topics and they just refuse to give me breathing space. Thanks for being there for the journey both good and bad. Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed.

 

Sending Heaven A Message ~ Too Much Sadness Today

Today is Father’s Day and for some of us, it is a hard day. We don’t have fathers who are with us, for whatever that reason may be. My father has passed and I have friends and family who will have a hard time today as well because they are missing their fathers too.

dear father

…..however mine is colored with regret for not ever having a real father in my life. I’m sure some of you can share that feeling as well.

I started the weird tradition in my family (when I became a single parent myself and understood all that my mother had to deal with) of calling her and wishing her a Happy Father’s Day. By then I knew what it took to be both parents to my two children. I have a son and a daughter so I see the need from both sides for a father in a child’s life.

I figured if she did the job of both, shouldn’t she get the credit too? When my sisters wound up in the same boat, they, as well as any of my single parent friends also get my calls/text/wishes on those holidays.And yes, I do wish my single father’s a Happy Mother’s Day as well. I simply admire anyone who takes a stacked deck and actually parents with it.

 

I try to focus on this day on the fact that I have a wonderful man in my children’s lives and that they won’t miss out on having someone in their lives like I did. But on this day they also hurt because they remember their dad isn’t here. My son because he remembers, my daughter because she can’t.

My husband went to town yesterday to run errands for guy stuff like Tractor Supply for dog food and parts for our John Deere Mower you know, guys junk. And my son went along for the ride. I’ll tell ya, he came back feeling 10ft tall because he got to go. My husband is no slouch when it comes to parenting. When he married his ex she had two kids, then they had three and when we got married I had two. So in all, he has been through 7 kids. I think he may have picked up a tip or two.

He has been there for everything over the last 7 years. He was there when my daughter got potty trained, when my son rode his first two-wheeled bike and then my daughter as well. He has been there through all the bad stuff too, like the day we almost lost two of our kids to a wicked car accident or the day we had to tell mine their daddy was gone. He was there, being a rock, a great man, a great father, a best friend. He will be there for their future things like graduation, getting married, having children; and I think that I couldn’t have asked for a better person in their lives. eternal calling

Today my heart breaks for OrdinaryDad. He is feeling it especially hard after Mr. BBP paid him and unpleasant visit. The little shitbird came up, dropped off the money for this phone – two days late ($60/mo), took the rest of his stuff, lipped off to his dad, accused him of kicking him out (still not admitting to the failing college and taking off and lying), tried to take his dog down to the neighbor’s house (and accused me of potentially doing something to her), lipped off some more, said he didn’t care about lying and using our client to do so, fucker actually shrugged. Funny thing is that he and I barely fought compared to his twin and when his twin left he bailed on HIS dog too and Chaos is thriving. Hell Sable sleeps with US now at night. She hasn’t really acted as bad as we thought she might.

On his way out the door I said “Nice Father’s Day, asshole”.  and he turned around and told me to go fuck myself which it totally fine, I laughed in his face. Then he proceeded to lip off some more to his dad on the front porch while OD had to make sure he didn’t steal Sable. Keeps saying it doesn’t matter, that he “can’t afford school” even though he is/was getting way more money this coming semester than he had first round. There is something seriously wrong with that boy. He has finally snapped like we worried he would, and it is just as ugly as we thought. He didn’t even try to come up here nice, he hit the door with a bad attitude. He was looking for a fight.

OD had to tell him he wasn’t taking the dog anywhere until he could prove he had a place to live with him and her. Claims he is finding something in town that will allow a pet….really? Umm I have looked for places to live many, many times in my life and good luck finding something. You really have no clue. And if you do, the deposit is a nice chunk of change.

My husband’s heart leapt in his chest when Mr. BBP sent the Happy Father’s Day text and asked if he could come up. He was so excited to hear from and get to see one of his boys today and now he is broken hearted again and I am angry on his behalf. But he will sit there bleeding from his wounds, drop by drop and just keep taking the slashes. He doesn’t stand up for himself let alone lash out and I’m curious if I will feel the same way if my kids act like jerks when they get older. Because I say right now I don’t care who you are, you are expected to treat me with the same respect I give you, and for that matter, if you push too hard, expect me to push back period.

This sucks so hard because I can’t help him other than be there to hold him together when he falls apart and yes he cries, I can only imagine how it hurts him to see what all the scars they carried have done to them and their choices. It hurts to watch a son have it all and let it go and to not even have the courtesy of giving his dad an explanation to understand it all. It hurts him to watch them live a lie and believe that lie and use that lie as a weapon against him. But he loves them enough to take it, he loves them enough to leave the door open, he loves them enough to love them even when they throw it in his face and I can’t help but admire him for it.

This is an exceptional man, and I am honored to share his life. Please send your thoughts and prayers to him. I’ll stand strong while he can’t because he never fails to stand strong for his family.

Appreciate what you have my friends. Please tell your loved ones how you feel and don’t let petty things stand in the way. Some day you might look back and it will be too late.

Until next time my friends, stay safe and be blessed.

to have a child

The Breakdown of Society

911 Dispatcher Tells Woman About To Be Sexually Assaulted There Are No Cops To Help Her Due To Budget Cuts

Yes, click the ^link^ and go read the story. I will wait….

  Now let’s break down the absurdity of this and what is wrong with society in general….

“Uh, I don’t have anybody to send out there,” the 911 dispatcher told the woman. “You know, obviously, if he comes inside the residence and assaults you, can you ask him to go away? Do you know if he’s intoxicated or anything?”

Is this person freakin’ kidding me? Sorry ma’am, could you just ask him nicely to stop, tell him today just isn’t a good time…. WTF?!?! Seriously the sad truth is, they are not joking. And just wait, it gets worse…

The woman told the dispatcher that he previously attacked her & left her hospitalized a few weeks prior to the latest incident. The dispatcher stayed on the phone with the woman for more than 10 minutes before the sexual assault took place.

“Once again it’s unfortunate you guys don’t have any law enforcement out there,” the dispatcher said, according to Oregon Public Radio.

The woman responded: “Yeah, it doesn’t matter, if he gets in the house I’m done.”

Okay, so we have established intent, history and urgency, but surely those in charge have a solution or something good to say right? They are there to serve and protect right? That is why we pay taxes and have a government and laws in place correct?

Police say Bellah choked the woman and sexually assaulted her. He was arrested by Oregon State Police following the incident.

“There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t have another victim,” Josephine County Sheriff Gil Gilberson told Oregon Public Radio. “If you don’t pay the bill, you don’t get the service.”

The sheriff’s department even put out a press release warning domestic violence victims to “consider relocating to an area with adequate law enforcement services.”

Hmmm maybe not so much….relocate? Honestly?

We have a serious problem here my friends. Where can you move that you will not find crime in some fashion? And there is movement to disarm citizens who own guns thinking this will stop the criminals. Next are we going to get in trouble for using a taser on someone because we resorted to violence? What about pepper spray? Are we going to be left to our own devices, expected to protect ourselves or huddle helplessly waiting for the mop up crew? Why do people look the other way? Why aren’t people more bold to stand out and offer a hand, to put their butt on the line like that man who helped those women escape? Seriously, could you hear a scream for help and walk on thinking someone else will help? Or are you brave enough to say enough is enough. I will not let the bullies and thugs of this world take over. The more of us who are determined to affect a powerful change and stand firm saying with a loud voice this is unacceptable, we will not be silent, we will not go quietly into the night, the less things like this will happen.

What if there had been a neighbor who saw/heard something and instead of turning up their music, intervened. Yes blah blah blah it is dangerous, but so is merely living. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, or tomorrow, that scream in the night could be YOU wishing more people cared. You cannot have it both way. Either you would aid a stranger in need or you would not.

Yes, I have personally made that choice. When I was only 16 I worked at a grocery store. On my break I decided to sit outside on the bench in front and relax. A man on a crutch sat down not long after and we just silently people watched. Suddenly it dawned on me that I was hearing a muffled voice, calling or yelling something. I wasn’t alarmed and so I just started looking around. Then I heard a banging and the yelling got louder. The man and I looked at each other to confirm we were both hearing it. We stood up and started moving towards a small UHaul sitting in the firelane. Then two men walked out of the bottle recycle center there and one got in while the other went to the back of the truck. He opened the door a crack (not the roll-up kind, the door kind) and suddenly and arm thrust out from inside and we heard the voice cry “Help me!” very clearly. We started walking faster towards the truck, the man shoved the arm inside, slammed the door, leapt into the driver seat and tore off. We both snagged the plate number and color as well as other details. I ended up having to sit and file a police report that night. It was scary because that truck never got turned in like it was supposed to that night. I will never know what happened, but I sleep soundly knowing I didn’t sit there and do nothing.

Now there is a time and place to do these things, as well as safety measures and common sense to follow, I don’t just run around willy nilly like a fool without making sure the situation is manageable and won’t land me face down dead in a ditch….

Time and again I am the kind of person you can count on when the shit storm begins. I have stepped in front of bullies threatening my sisters with weapons, I have stopped on the side of the road to help strangers, I have chased stray dogs through the middle of small town traffic, I have offered myself whenever and wherever I can. And one thing I can tell you is that even if you are doing it just because you feel that pull inside you to help, that compassion that won’t let you sit still and not because you expect something in return, I assure you Karma keeps track and it WILL come back to you my friends. So what will you choose?

Until next time, stay safe and be blessed~

 

 

I am sooo Entitled…..

I am seriously SMFH. What is it with today’s youth that they feel entitled to certain things before they have earned them?

words for teenagers

The constant refrain I hear, even around here, is “the world doesn’t owe you anything”. I have spent my whole life, as the product of a single parent home, understanding that nothing worth having comes easy or cheap. There is a price to be paid for everything. Sometimes we trade one thing for another. Does it matter? When it comes down to brass tacks, you have to bust your ass to get anywhere in life. Sure fate plays a role, but I sincerely believe our destiny is what we make of it.

I see all these teenagers and young 20s sitting around whining about life. And I will tell you where and how it started. It started with all this feel good BS we shovel, it started with EVERYONE gets a trophy, everyone makes the team, no one’s feelings can get hurt and we have to “protect their fragile little egos”. Fragile my ass, kids are tough as nails, kids are dictators; kids are barbarians that need to be shown how to act civilized; they have to be taught to find their conscience. Come on, let’s be honest.

I have very, VERY, strong -willed children. (yes that does include my asshole step-sons 😉 – lol) I am way too far into this parenting gig to lie to myself or to you my friends. Oh sure, I can put a tu-tu on it, but why bother? We are all adults here. They will complain no matter how good they have it, honestly – the better they have it, the more they seem to complain these days. It’s like the cushion we have been providing because “we were gonna raise our kids different from the strict nonsense. WE are gonna understand them like we weren’t….” or whatever reasons drive you because each of us is different despite our similarities.

Still they are sliding through school, sliding through home life with no responsibilities, given every reason in the world not to succeed and we act surprised when they get out of line. How else can I explain the basic need for us to let them fail when it is little, when we can kind of, direct the blow? Failure is a must have in order to survive. If we scuttled after a child constantly and never let them get hurt they would never know and be sent out into the world expecting the same. If we love our children and truly want what is best for them I believe we need to teach them that life isn’t fair, that roads get bumpy, that you may not end up where you thought you would be, but that the journey was worth it and the place is exactly where you need to be.

No boss will call your house to make sure you are out of bed on time. No doctor will sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health because you won’t take care of yourself. There is no magic kiss that will make your heartaches better when you grow up. It is hard. Life is hard. We have to teach them it is worth it.

worth it

What are your thoughts my friends? Until next we meet, stay safe and be blessed.

 

Wild & Wonderful Days

randomness weekend

So my husband’s loser brother called us last night (hubby figures he was drunk). Keep in mind D is the only one that has lived near his father and taken care of him his whole life. His brother & sister moved to Hawaii and they live together with her husband. So Sean calls last night saying he is in town, gong to be next door with those crazy neighbors that have been causing us issues, (click here to see parts 1, 2 & 3) and he is wanting to ‘kick Dennis’ ass’ when he is here today. When my hubby hangs up on him, brother then proceeds to text some nasty little messages calling him out. We blew him off laughing, because we knew nothing would happen. Sean is all talk, no action.

We spent the morning doing our yard work despite it and happened to be fixing our roof leak when the brother and my hubby’s dad showed up at the neighbors. Sure enough, little sissy la la didn’t even look our way.

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On a brighter note, the chickens are 5 weeks old which means they will be going into the chicken tractor hopefully next week. Should have enough feathers and be warm enough with a lamp out there. Still will be two weeks till they can roam in the yard under the tractor though.

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Nothing worse than worrying about a leak over your toilet, so every time you sit down you are worried the ceiling will just randomly fall………makes me feel like chicken little

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I’m thinking I deserve a guilt free nap today.

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So excited to reach 100 fans this weekend. It was an awesome gift today. I am overjoyed to see so many new faces and meet so many amazing pages. I really love that I have gone back to my roots and passion. Thanks for the inspiration guys.

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My step-son bought me the sweetest gift for Mother’s Day and my kiddos made cards – I am blessed.

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Fact of the day: 4 years ago on Mother’s Day my husband and I were still in Vegas celebrating our honeymoon.
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That has been today’s edition of randomness weekends with The Queen of WTF? Brought to you today by the letter L and the number 0

Until we meet again my friends, stay safe and be blessed.

 

You Have Entered……The Twilight Zone.

So last night was really weird. My husband’s oldest boy Cody called the house. He answered it, but only because he didn’t know the number. I guess Cody asked about coming up here because he told him no that we weren’t up for company tonight due to everyone running in different directions. Truth is though, neither he nor Aley really wants either of them up here even if that hadn’t been the case. They have been pushed way too far and they are tired of taking the shit when they are the ones actually working to make something of their lives and family. Aley for sure is tired of being bullied by his brothers and discounted by the rest of the family merely because he disagrees with them acting like they are totally innocent and everyone else is responsible for the things THEY did to themselves, including this division. He has had his jeep sold from under him, his family has cut ties and refuse to even send him things for holidays unless it is a convoluted delivery system through the extended family members that are helping cause the drama. Like we have EVER kept their mail from them.

Cody showed up anyways, in his usual style for a so-called visit (yes even after we said no) and ended up trying to take things with him that had been passed down to either Aley or Ean since he and Cameron have left. He beat a hasty retreat after being told no. Cameron was up here too but he is too much of a bastard to even come over to see his dad or the dog he raised from a pup and left behind without a thought. Before he left he made it clear he didn’t give a shit about Aley – we knew he wouldn’t come see his brother but the other surprised us (or maybe not his dad since he told his Dad he was trying to ruin his marriage and didn’t care that he was collateral damage). He stayed next door with the neighbors but got a shot in through Cody by trying to get the rug he left here and told Ean to his face he could have. He came back twice to get stuff and was asked what to do with the remainder. Cameron told us to trash it. We stored it and parceled out the other stuff into the other kids’ rooms; my son also inherited Cammie’s dog.

forgive yourself

Then the shit talking started. Cody’s newest girlfriend had sent me a friend request on Facebook. I hesitated for days, having already heard the way she acted towards Aley and heard from two other sources that she is a crazy chick who is nothing but trouble. Well instead of judging based on gossip like certain people who shall remain nameless, I decided to friend her and give her a chance, since she professed to both Aley and I that she would love it if the family was back together. I though well gee, finally a like minded person, maybe she can help me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..all a fishing mission to set up Cody wanting his shit back. Then she started slamming me on FB and talking shit about this blog. Like I said when I came back, I could hide it if I wanted to, but I choose not to. And so yes, I broke my nasty stick out and started swinging. I don’t have it all the time anymore but be certain it is still there ready for anyone who Fucks with my family. Even then it isn’t breaking down into name calling – just firmly restating the truth of things. She never truly gave me a chance and that burns my ass to have someone be so two-faced. She was already working on assumptions and then lied to me when I questioned why she wanted to talk to me because I was sure she hadn’t heard good things. She told me they hadn’t said anything negative but then said she had been warned not to talk to me…..and is apparently willing to judge me not on the present, but on the past issues we ALL struggled with. She doesn’t know how hard I fought for them, how much energy and time I spent with and on them. Wonder if she even knows all the football games we cheered at for them or how much driving I did for them…..all the time out with their friends, the doctors, allergist, cardiologist etc.

Truth is that Aley is the only one of the 5 kids from the family they grew up in that has done anything worthwhile. He is going to college for Business Management/Computer Science and working with the family business that is taking off like crazy. Plus we have some plans in the works that will push it over into way too busy. We can’t wait!! He maintains his grades, works, has a busy personal life and also handles the family business. They all dog him and talk down about him calling him an asshole or saying he has been bribed and/or brainwashed and the reality is they are most likely jealous. I can’t see how college compares to a Garden Center worker at Home Depot or a cashier at Walmart……and even the youngers are starting to do things in school and life that neither of the boys could even be bothered with like 4-H and stuff so make it 7 kids total and Aley shines like gold. You can’t polish a turd no matter how hard you try. You can pretend it doesn’t stink but sooner or later it falls apart.

My husband and I talked about it all this morning and decided that no matter what, we only have each other and this household full of family. (with some special exceptions of course for blood and non blood family outside these immediate walls) We decided that we only need each other and those that are willing to be a part of all of our life so we no longer care at all to sweat the small stuff. And even if something weird were to happen and things were to not work out with us (which certainly wouldn’t happen) but neither of us would go back and mend the bridges these people have burned forever. Game over for them and this has been years of their destructive behavior to accomplish this. It isn’t the first or even the hundredth fight out of them so we just won’t play anymore.

Dennis has always been treated like shit by his family even as a kid. He was working at 12 and payed rent just to have his own room as the oldest child – neither his brother or sister had to, they were majorly spoiled. They hated his first wife and they hate me. It is almost like they just don’t want to see HIM happy. No matter what he has done. He has spent his whole life living near and taking care of his father to detriment of his own well being. He has worked military and DOC and now he owns his own business something that his brother couldn’t hang onto when one was given to him but Dennis has built up his own through hard work himself. Does he ever get any credit? No. Not even when he fought and won custody of all three of his boys. I finally got tired of watching how little they cared about all he did and stood up for him as a wife should for her husband and THAT is why I am disliked. Merely for speaking my mind like Cody’s gf feels she is doing. But she sees herself as right and me as a bitch. Funny how we lie to ourselves isn’t it?

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

And as for me, well maybe I am too honest and trusting for my own good. I expect others to be like me. I tell the truth no holds barred even if I am afraid it might hurt someone. And those who love me, I mean REALLY love me, know that I am not being hateful, I just can’t stomach the thought of lies to those I care about. I don’t mean to claim I never fib to save feelings or bite my tongue when it isn’t wise to speak my mind, I’m just saying that you can trust me to not talk shit behind your back and to never say anything I wouldn’t say to someone’s face. If that makes me a raging unlikable bitch then why to I have so many close friends? Why can I go out and make friends easily? Why do all our clients like me so much? Because they KNOW they can trust me.

My friends in return know that even if there are hurt feelings real love and friendship can stand hard truths because we know that truth is always better than lies. I’d rather them say those things to me and vice versa because we have learned with time that often others outside the immediate situation can usually see better not being entangled in all the emotions involved. Who better to understand you than those that have seen you in your beautiful and in your horrible moments.

Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused. ~Alan Cohen

 

Until next time my friends, stay safe and be blessed.

 

when I despair