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Banjo Music In Our Own Backyard…….the Backlash (Part 3)

Not scary, but insulting nonetheless - who in their right mind does things like this?

Since the October 26th incident where we both confronted Bobby to his face, things have spiraled out of control. He had not been able to bully/scare my husband the day he came over and stuck a gun in his face on our front porch. I did not back down when he threatened me in his driveway. Then we had the ‘audacity’ to call the police and report it…….Do you not know he is the fucking KING of this valley and won’t tolerate any disrespect? Psssshhhhhh!

Not scary, but insulting nonetheless - who in their right mind does things like this?

Bobby has always been a bully. He bullied Dennis when they were kids. Now that the playing ground is level, and everyone is all grown up, he doesn’t like it, so they resort to dirty pool. They hung a new decoration on their fence the week before court. Get this people….a NOOSE. Yep, that is right. Because we have had the audacity (and heard about it afterwards on the gossip chain) to have friends up here who happen to be black. Worse yet, his wife is *gasp* white. OMG!! These people have serious issues guys. Instead of letting us know they saw the kids riding a bit too fast on the quad, they called Dennis’ father and told on them to him. They didn’t walk over here, they didn’t call, they tattled. He doesn’t live here, lives down the mountain and two towns over. Both they and Clarence keep exchanging calls when they should have been dealing with us in the first place. Then he nags Dennis over things and doesn’t even realize that they aren’t true. He just assumes they are. And Bobby and Dean don’t have any issues with their grandkids tearing up that same strip of road in front of the houses on their dirt bikes, quads and motorcycles. The back and forth went from bad to worse. They watched every move we made, and went out of their way to be jerks. Every weekend, they ride those loud things or shoot for hours on end. We rolled our eyes and ignored them, turned the proverbial cheek for years. Not once did it cross our minds to press any charges or involve the law. They were just assholes plain and simple. To be ignored.

They did not feel the same. They had to see something happen. How dare we not cow to them. On November 18th my husband was driving home with his son Aley. They came upon a car that was driving incredibly erratically and since this is tourist haven, they figured it was a drunk driver. Rather than continue to be stuck behind someone like that in the dark, (just at/after twilight) they passed (even though it is solid yellow all the way through the mountain) it was safer than worrying they would wreck and then cause them to wreck. Besides, it was a straight stretch, you could have seen the lights; someone would have to be driving in the dark, in the woods with no lights for there to be an accident. We haven’t had good stories on these roads either. They pulled away from the driver only to have them speed up on their tail, with their bright lights blaring. It kept on until he was held up on the next level of the road when you cross the bridge. It heads up the mountain and has several steep 25mph curves. Some slow erratic driver was in front of him now and he was pinned with the bright lights in his rear view. As they rounded the last few curves to the house he decided he didn’t want to lead this crazy fucker to our house so he stops and gets out. Turns out the car that had passed them pulling onto the mountain road was Dean. He asks her to turn off her brights and she tells him to get back in the car. He says he will when she turns off the lights. She does, he does, they go home. End of story. Well except the slow driver was the 13 year old girl being allowed by her mother to drive up the mountain in the dark.

Five days later a Sheriff shows up on our porch around seven-ish. Dennis was served with a warrant. Apparently when they reported it to the police initially the idea happened. When the sheriff showed up then, Dennis didn’t say anything other than he passed her and there was no yelling or cursing like she claimed. The cop even tried the good ol’ I know it was this truck and Dennis was like Okay……  The cop took the report but when he went back to Bobby and Dean, he informed them what they could do. They went down to the courthouse and on their word alone, pressed charges for reckless endangerment and dogs at large. Dennis would have been arrested on the spot had he not signed the papers, though they didn’t tell us that at the time, we read it in the fine print. We felt we had nothing to hide, and had done nothing wrong so he signed it but we were like seriously? Then the sledgehammer dropped. He had ten days to turn himself in for booking. Yes, my husband, the small business owner, father of five, ex military, ex Department of Corrections. No court. No jury. No nothing other than a pissed off false claim from a neighborhood bully. To serve and protect my ass!!

neighbors new fence decoration

So Christmas is coming up fast, and the court date is on December 14th.We get to look at things like this, all the while being super vigilant of EVERYTHING because we don’t want to give them anything. I documented all the history, took pictures of everything and got ready. Every noise makes us jump, every engine makes us check the windows and doors. It isn’t fun.

First thing we do is find an attorney in the neighboring county. Turns out he is familiar with this area and I quote “I wouldn’t take it [the county], if you gave me a crown and said your the fucking king of P- County”. Even knew the bitchy dark haired girl by name who features in the story later. I just gave the description as a rude dark haired girl and he spouted her name off.  We suspected that was who it was. Another ally for Bobby and Dean, people down here are very clannish and tend to believe gossip without checking for themselves. We met only a few brief times with him but I had already compiled a long list of what had been going on, the fact that Bobby had a criminal record, the history of animal cruelty, the gossip, and all of it. Of course the previous report was of no use to us having been done by a young man who was friends with the oldest of Dennis’ boys. He bungled it and didn’t fill out the whole story just the dogs part, not the weapon part. Then it dawned on me that they would have to have transcripts of the 911 call. They better do it quick though I said because crazy man’s son’s wife is the dispatcher. The lawyer noted that, and we never heard, but the judge apologized to our attorney to us for how rude and short he was.He told us at our second meeting before court.

We went in to the justice center the day after seeing our attorney, at his advice, to get a restraining order till court. That is where the rude fat bitch comes in. She tries to refuse us. Starts whispering “that’s him” and says “charges pending” and the other woman came back to ask for more information. They tell us we can come back in two days or they can fax it over to the judge, wait for his decision, and then he can fax it back. She advises us it might be faster to do it in court Wednesday. So we agree but the bitch butts in again and says why don’t you just wait a week and a half for court and do it then. I couldn’t hold back any more. I leaned in the window and said tightly, through clenched teeth “because my children are being threatened with guns that is why”. The other woman who was helping us looked a little shocked and shot a glare at the bitch leading me to believe that as usual in an office of women, they don’t like her very much. She was pissed and glared at me, while I glared her down in return. I stated loudly we would be in court Wednesday for the Order of Protection and we left. Well I left and Dennis followed me. See, that is why I’m a bitch, I stand up for us. *rolls eyes*

So the bitch gets back at us by secretly moving up our court date. When we show up for the R.O. we realize he thinks we are here over the alleged charges. We inform him we have an attorney and he gets real snotty saying “Well he is supposed to file a notice of representation, and if he can’t follow the rules of the court…”  To no avail we kept trying to explain what happened all the while that dark haired devil is smirking. When we leave, we go straight to the office and set up another appointment. At the second appointment we tell him about the son’s wife being the dispatcher, what the devil had done, as well as what the judge had said. Then it was on. We were not really informed of much, but he took total charge on our court date.

Dennis had to endure the booking process and yet they didn’t take it seriously. They noted no details about him other than the fingerprinting and the pictures. They even warned him this ‘National Enquirer” style paper would publish his picture and the alleged charges unless we PAID them not to. Now he was fuming even more. He kept his cool and I am so proud of him. It was humiliating for someone who has always tried to work hard, do right and take care of his family. His freedom was stripped with a simple word from someone else. So we waited.

Court finally came and the attorney was late because a heavy fog settled over the whole area. He came in and assured us things were fine. We went into court and he did as well. After doing the usual attorney meet and greet up there, he handles a few smaller cases he has and then moves onto us. We talk with him briefly after he speaks with the DA and then he calls Bobby and Dean aside. He basically tells them we are denying all the charges and were more than willing to take it to trial. He would pull it over to Bradley county if anything else happened, but otherwise we were willing to do the mutual Order of Protection and drop it. They were pissed. He came back and told us what was going on and then we saw the judge. The judge blustered here and there about slapping someone in jail – but we knew it was all idle threat now. They had nothing. He knew, our attorney knew, they knew and we knew. The case was continued for six months. If all stays quiet, it drops with nothing on record. If anything happens we go to court.

Our attorney volunteers to draw up the mutual P.O. and then loudly ask them if they feel they can be in the same room for a little bit. LMAO. I was enjoying some Karmic justice. Once we got into the room, we were all just about elbow to elbow in this tiny room. Our attorney was as gracious as could be but threw out plenty of loaded barbs. He made fun of her name saying someone didn’t do you any favors; her name is Hazel LaDene. She was pretty huffy about that. Then he asked if they wanted to include the kids, when they did he said what a shame to throw kids into squabbles especially around the holidays. Now it was Bobby’s turn to squirm. He made it known that if EITHER side broke this order, that they would be in trouble. Not just us, them as well. Everything got wrapped up and we couldn’t help but smirk a little that their plans had unraveled in their face. They never expected us to get an attorney, to have our information organized, to have pictures and actual intelligence to build a case. They never thought beyond trying to get us in trouble. We fought back. Now we wait. Now we just ………….wait. This waiting is killing me. Just wait till the cameras and security light go up, muahahahaha………..

(to be continued, the wrap up – thoughts and feelings)

 

Banjo Music In Our Own Backyard…….the Beginnings. (Part 2)

I hear banjo music.......

I hear banjo music.......

We have made peaceful overtures to all three of our immediate neighbors.We have kept them updated on predators in the area (since we live in the national forest). Shut doors when the storms blew them open. We have brought homemade jelly over more than once. They even helped us when our dog got snake-bit a few years ago. We have complimented one another on the upgrades to our respective houses and such, as well as them letting us know what a good weedkiller was for our newly graveled driveway. Our boys used to mow the lawn of the lady behind us every week, not to mention clean all the trash when her dog ripped it up. We still do her bank for free because she won’t take care of it and we have a big problem with copperheads and water moccasins. It’s a safety issue. The crazy man’s grandson has been bitten before.

Each situation has gotten worse as the gossip spreads to all of a sudden painting us as if we are evil, terrible neighbors. Their family (of the crazy guy) finally conspired to keep our land deed from us, until the woman who used to live next to us (also related) sold her land illegally to the ‘good’ neighbors there now. They had no right to sell because there is no well on that property and we were not allowed to have the deed because they had some preexisting water right arrangement they didn’t want to have to deal with us over. This is the same woman who hides her money in her son’s bank account so she can collect SS benefits as well as food stamps even though she doesn’t need them. Well we could have legally cut them off our well and we haven’t. We pay their electricity every month and the one time the well broke, we peacefully split the cost.

The woman behind us has kids around the same age as ours. We have warned her about the feral hogs and coyotes due to her small dog being free 24-7 outside. We have seen her allowing Alex and Ean to play at their little bonfires, the kids have been on both sides of the branch that separates our property. Well we started noticing her kids age 12, 10 and 7 were left home alone everyday after school as well as on breaks. It went on for a long time and we spent a lot of time being extra vigilant and making sure nothing bad went down. We are 45 minutes from a hospital and 30 minutes from any police assistance. It was fine until this 12 year old girl starts to bully Alexandria on the bus, badly. Alex isn’t scared of anything and this girl had her backed into a figurative corner. It spilled over one day with this girl shouting taunts and threats while Alex was in her own yard. After being told by me several times to leave my daughter alone, this girl turned her verbal abuse on me using words I would spank my 11 year old son for. I called my husband and we decided since her mother was not home the best thing would be to have a peace officer intervene. The woman showed up after the police did and the young girl became so belligerent in front of the officers they told her to shut up. I danced all around the issue till the woman flat out said I just got home – which led to her leaving them unsupervised, and a DHS call. She has one previous report and a new one about her letting her now 13 year old drive up the dangerous, windy mountain roads – once in the day and once at night. She made the kids stop being friends and we haven’t spoken to them since. We run into them occasionally and they make fools out of themselves going “out of the way” to ‘avoid’ us. We shrug it off but it left her with a bone to pick. She decided to team up with the assholes across the road. They don’t care that her dog runs free 24-7 – it just HAS to be ours, ya know, the ones that aren’t ever out alone? They provided her with No Trespassing signs so there is a two sided ring around us of bright red signs. (CLICK on each picture to see up close)

 

 

 

 

 

this is taken from our front porch of "crazy guy's house"

one behind the tree and one behind the bush on either side of their branch

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Now back to all the gossip.The more the line was drawn with Clarence (Dennis’ father) the worse the gossip got. We have tried to resolve this several times with him, even spoken to him in person. He refuses to be reasonable. He sold his grandson’s jeep behind his back just because he is angry with us. People we don’t even know tell us about the crap he talks in public. We always brush them off with a laugh about him being a crabby old man. We made constant overtures of friendliness that were rebuffed. Then there was a mysterious recent call to DHS which coincided with details only Cody would know…stories when taken out of context look bad, but were proven completely baseless. However it led to four major intrusions and a complete disruption of our lives. Almost to the breaking point of our family. Three of four kids are now in counseling.

When Dennis was trying desperately to preserve a relationship with his dad he constantly faced open rude criticism of me and my kids. What was a pleasant daily ritual of morning coffee and chatting, was turned into increased the pressure and unhappiness for my husband so he stopped going over as much. I was blamed of course. Clarence talked about what a user I was, how I was just looking for a dad for my kids (who by the way still had a father at the time), after all the grief that there was “something wrong with my kid’s heads”, I was a bitch who wasn’t welcome at his house. I could keep going but what is the point? He didn’t like that I wouldn’t allow him to continue to use and abuse this family. I became the enemy and he spends every week telling crazy man’s wife, Dean, that and more. They feel as though they have to ‘pay us back’ on his behalf or some screwed up crap. Even though our old neighbors from down there let us know if something goes wrong with him, like when he has fallen and we rush down to help even if we aren’t wanted. Now we just call his daughter in Hawaii and she checks on him. He hasn’t wanted anything to do with anyone but Cody and the twins know that. It has always bothered them.

The major blowup point came on October 26th. My kids were in and out of the house that day playing. They let me know that there was a white pit bull running around free. The dog belongs to crazy man’s son who lives on some land in the back of their property. This particular incident happened when my 11 year old son took our lab out. She seeing the dog sitting on our front porch, immediately chases it. When she gets into the neighbor’s yard, with Ean in hot pursuit. Crazy man sees them, runs for the house, gets a gun and comes back out yelling threats about killing the dog at my son’s quickly retreating back. First rule of conflict resolution, speak with the person. I went over to talk with crazy man and he blew up in my face threatening to “hurt me if I didn’t get off his property”. He got nose to nose with me and I saw his wife’s face (100 yards or so away) – she had a look of fear in her eyes though she was yelling at me. He wanted to hit me, I could see it in his eyes. He is an abuser. I’ve seen them before, been there done that. I basically refused to back down, called him a pussy for  threatening minor children and helpless animals with weapons instead of trying to resolve the issue like a grown up. Then when I was good and ready, I walked off his property and reported his behavior to the cops. Who by the way majorly bungled the report. That moment began their retaliation against us and has nearly flattened us this holiday season.We figured the report would stop the threats and didn’t take it any further. We have kept close eyes on the kids and dogs as well as got rid of our pit bull on November1 because the poor thing was just not safe here anymore. No life for him to be constantly locked in the house for fear of being killed.

How could it get any worse? Well it does………..To be continued……….

 

Um, I missed this chapter in Parenting 101

.............did I get it all?

Oh Lordy, you can’t make this shit up!! I swear to you.It was a ‘no shit, there I was’ kind of moment.

I admit to being a complete and utter germaphobe when it comes to public bathrooms. Among the worst rank bars, airports, gas stations and stadium bathrooms.

please let there be covers.....

Last night was our first ‘real’ home game and it just so happened we were playing our old rivals the Chargers. They have had a terrible run (13 losses in a row) and last nights astounding win by our Wildcats 46-14 was worth what we went through to see it occur. In the first three minutes of the game we scored 14 points in 7 plays unopposed. And then it happened. Huge bolts of air to ground lightning and the TSSAA rules had both teams scurrying for the locker rooms. A lot of fans headed under the bleachers and a friendly neighbor lent my husband and I a small umbrella to use. Contrary to my weather channel app on my BB – durn thing lied, it was supposed to pass quickly and looked relatively small. We got poured on for an hour and fifteen minutes. There was no helping it. If you stuck it out, you got soaked. My right side as well as (thanks to the runoff) my rear end were soaked. I thought I’d be smart and wear these comfy cotton pants and rolled the cuffs up to wear with the red Wildcat shirts. Pain is temporary – Pride is forever!! Wildcat Pride :)

After things finally started to clear up, and the required time had passed both teams came back out to start playing. Nope, they don’t call the game for anything – other than lightning breaks lol. Our boys are born mudders though. They remained unchallenged until the coach sent in the JV. He believe in giving them the experience verses ramming an obvious slaughter down the other team’s throats. That’s just how we roll here.

Finally fed up with just not ‘feeling it’ I slogged my way to the bathrooms with Alex in tow. Now come on ladies, let me hear ya! What is the first thing we do? Yep, cover the toilet with the toilet paper barrier or put down the seat covers provided (if you’re lucky). So Alex goes first and has a smidge of trouble with the tp sticking since she was kinda wet. We use the handicapped stall since she still doesn’t feel comfortable going herself in extremely public places..I helped her get situated and it wasn’t but a small blip of trouble.

So my turn, again the tp ring and I peel off my layer to sit not even thinking. So the tp promptly adheres to my rear end and thighs, because my skin is wet and when I stand up, they stay attached. Now stop laughing damn it……..wipe your eyes so you can read the rest, it gets worse………or better depending on which side of this story you are on. I valiantly try to peel the damn treacherous 1/2 ply cheap toilet paper they always seem to have, off of my skin but it was glued on. You know, the kind where you have to worry whether or not your finger might accidentally slip through…well this is another side effect of the tissue paper thin toilet paper they provide.

So this tissue paper thin stuff is hard as hell to peel off and when my daughter leans over and starts pragmatically peeling off pieces then further humiliates me by saying matter of factly, you missed some more mom. O…M…G!! I frantically start rubbing at it, trying to get it off and keep trying to refrain from ‘making it a big deal’ by succumbing to the temptation to swat her hand away. After all, she was just trying to help. Lord, if you could please make THIS one of the childhood memories she forgets, I would really appreciate it.

.............did I get it all?

Just when I couldn’t feel more embare-rassed I turn my rear to her and say, did I get it all. I wanted to die on the spot from either shame or hysterical laughter, I couldn’t decide. Though now I can hardly quit laughing long enough to type this out. She leans over to pull another strip off the other side. ARG, please let this be over with quickly!!! Finally when I could feel no more obvious tp remnants I yanked up my pants and said lets go, knowing the first thing I would do when I got home was check it out, dry off and put on something warm to help me get over the trauma………. LOL

Needless to say I spent the next 15 minutes under the hand dryer, drying myself out a bit. She tried to do the same and her petite size kept her from getting close enough to dry much but her hair and shoulders. Though she kept an exaggerated hop up attempting it anyways.

I see my moment and totally exact my revenge. I calmly point to the other end of the bathroom where the hand dryer is about 4 inches from the sink edge and say “Why don’t you sit on the edge and dry yourself with that one”. She took one look at me over her shoulder through narrowed eyes and her expression clearly said “fuck you very much mom” and I laughed some more as she dried herself off. I even sucked it up enough to amuse her with an exaggerated booty shake under the dryer. While the bathroom was totally empty of course………..I’m not that stupid. LOL ;-P

So I don’t know whether to chalk this up as a fond memory or hope like hell if I’m old and not capable of taking care of myself, my daughter won’t be wiping my bum and thinking back to that day when she was 8 and had to help her mom peel toilet paper off her ass? Great, and my ‘walking recorder’ just HAD to be the one witness……oh wait I guess now all of you know now too. :p

Easier To Run

Pretending I don’t feel misplaced Is so much simpler than change .....

Pretending I don’t feel misplaced Is so much simpler than change .....

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would……
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

It is easier to run, than to stand your ground when the shit hits the fan. I think what we all really fear is the silence. Because in the silence our insecurities start speaking, they fill us with all of the worst of us. In the silence, misunderstandings are born. It is also in that silence that decision are made. Some we realize right away, and others take longer to sink into our consciousness. In this silence our fears paint pictures that might not be fully accurate; If we don’t ask or tell – then that space is filled with something else, just depends on what your specific baggage may be. We reflexively tuck our stresses and problems inside us where they are safe and yet it is the things we don’t talk about that end up killing or separating relationships. It is easier to flee, to try to leave those things behind us. To admit them takes courage, the kind of courage that I am trying to find within my own heart.

Wherever you go, there you are. No matter how fast and how far you run, you will always catch up to yourself. There is no escape from your emotions, problems or issues. You take them with you. They live in the silence, in the shadows of your heart and they stay there until you deal with them once and for all. And if you keep denying they are there, one night they will catch up to you in the dark spaces in between our conscious and unconscious mind. You fill up your days with all kinds of activity and mostly you can keep your mind out of that deep hole, but in the evening when you are laying your head down to sleep and your defenses are low, they creep around the corners and you find yourself caught up again.

There is so much that remains unsaid, unvoiced, maybe even unrealized that shapes who and what we are. The way you respond automatically to certain circumstances, the way smells or sounds can take you back in time instantaneously; there is no escape. And so rather than be buried beneath it all, you must take a deep breath and look hard at the WHY. We see the what every day, but do you know why you believe what you believe or react how you react? No? Most people don’t even realize they can change the pattern if they figure out what it is that moves them.

I heard it described once as such: those moments in time where you have been hurt, neglected or upset – you freeze and bury those moments – and yet what we don’t realize is that we freeze a piece of ourselves as well. We remain the hurt child, the confused teenager, the bitter adult that we were at the moment that incident/emotion hit us. I’m tired of leaving all this crap frozen in the glacier that surrounds my private thoughts and feelings – and yet there is no safety for me in giving anyone anything that I consider a vulnerability.

That soft spot has been taken and used by more than one person. I started slamming the door shut in people’s faces when I was hurt or wronged. I will write you out of my story quicker than you can blink. I know it isn’t right, I know it isn’t healthy but I KNOW you can’t hurt me if you don’t know. I find myself becoming more and more private with my thoughts. I don’t even talk to my ‘friends’ as much as I used to. Not because they don’t love me or care, but they have their own lives and I can’t expect anyone to wanna dig through all the muck and mire with me. I know my true friends will always have their hands and heart out for me when I need encouragement but I find myself not wanting to intrude or bother people. Maybe that is a lie I tell myself so I can justify keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. I can tell you that I don’t even tell these things to my husband anymore either.

I feel lost and alone though I am constantly surrounded by people (6 of us in this house plus the kiddos’ friends in and out) and 5 dogs, well it is hard to sit and while away the day in contemplation of how to remove myself from this rut I am stuck in. It pisses me off to no end that I cannot put my finger on why I am unhappy, I have everything I ever wished for and yet it rings hollow. Times are tough right now and I keep searching for answers or meaning.

I want to tell you exactly what it is inside me right now – but I don’t even know, so how can I describe it to y’all? I’m constantly stressed and frustrated and unhappy and nobody knows it but me…….

I am the voice crying in the wilderness of my barren soul praying for rain.